


Tapestry in Black and Blue

by TommyGlitter



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sutan Amrull/Raja - Fandom, Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Attempted Non/Con, Drugs, Language, M/M, Memories of a Past Rape, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 10:41:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/621216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TommyGlitter/pseuds/TommyGlitter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a story of the blends of good and bad that happen in a person’s life. In this case, the person is Tommy. He is surrounded by both good friends and bad as he tries to forget an unrequited love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Although the people, places and things in this story are real, I do not know them, and the story itself is fiction. This is the result of my writing muse going on an extended vaycay and not taking me with it. When it returned, this needed to be written. No disrespect is meant in the writing, it is for entertainment, only. I hope you like it. Comments are welcome and desired.

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It was mid-afternoon, and the sun shining through the blinds was what woke Tommy. His knee popped as he stretched and rolled onto his back with a groan. For a moment, he stared at the ceiling, half-awake and not a thought in his mind. Then the events from the previous night flooded his consciousness. _If only I never have to wake in this room, this house, again. Soon,_ he reminded himself, _Mike and I will be able to move out soon. He’s going to sign the lease for our new place, today_.

Tommy couldn’t remember a time that his roommates, Mike and Dave, weren’t a part of his life. It was like they were brothers or the three musketeers or something. They went through Catholic school together, partied together and now they’d been living together for the last three years. All three of them played in bands so tended to be short on cash, but together, they could afford a decent roof over their heads.

There were never any big problems until Dave started with the band he was in now. For the last year or so, Dave started acting like like a real ass. Tommy had been on tour with Adam up until a couple weeks ago and hadn’t had to deal with it, but last night, Dave hit a whole new high on the asshole meter. He ran his mouth nonstop and Tommy couldn’t determine if Dave wanted to kiss him or fight him. Tommy wished he would lay off whatever drugs he was doing!

Well, those thoughts were enough to knock any leftover sleepiness out of Tommy. He was wide awake and listened to hear if anyone else was home. Quiet as it was, he was pretty sure the house was empty. He dragged his ass out of bed and stopped at the door to listen again before padding into the bathroom.

He was going out with Sutan tonight, and the famous drag queen wanted to dress him up in drag. Tommy was worried about people taking pictures of him with their phones. The last thing he wanted was to be posted all over the web in drag. Sutan assured him that when he was done, no one would recognize him. Tommy could only hope he was right.

As he checked out his reflection the mirror, Sutan’s words replayed in Tommy’s mind. _“You won’t look right dressed in drag if you have a hairy chest or hairy legs, so make sure you shave everything.”_ He picked up the razor and began to carefully shave the hair off his chest, and then shaved his belly, too, just so it wouldn’t look funny.

As his hands moved along his body, Tommy’s mind wandered to Adam and all the things they had done together. Among other things, Adam had taken him to Cabo and to a Lady Gaga concert. Those times held a special place in Tommy’s heart.

They had done everything together once the tour started, whether it was sightseeing incognito or watching videos for half the night in Adam’s room. Tommy had so many fond memories from those times, and after being with him in such close quarters, his life now had a huge void in it. He really missed Adam. He missed the way Adam flirted with him, his heated looks, and his kisses. Mostly, Tommy missed the way Adam tucked him under his arm, like he belonged there, and how easy it was to be with him.

Tommy had always considered himself straight and had never thought of a man in a romantic or sexual way, until he met Adam. Over the last year, Tommy had often wondered what it would be like to be with him. He had even tried to take things further than kissing one time while they were in Europe, but nothing came of it. In fact, Adam was concerned about how much Tommy had to drink, and then kept some distance between them the rest of the night. Tommy wasn’t brave enough to try that more than once; the rejection was too painful. And now, his chance was gone if there was any truth to the online rumor mill. According to what he’d read, Adam was interested in someone else. So even though all the confusing feelings he had for Adam were pointless, it didn’t stop Tommy from wanting him.

It just didn’t feel right to go out partying without him. While they had been on tour, they had texted each other almost every hour, but in the last week, Tommy had only received two texts from him. He really wanted to see Adam’s reaction to whatever Sutan had planned for him tonight, but felt it was inappropriate to text him a picture of it with the gulf he perceived between them now. He really missed how close they used to be.

He jumped into the shower after he finished shaving his chest and the trail of hair that pointed toward his dick. Tommy shaved his legs and decided it looked odd to have a patch of hair around his groin, so he very carefully shaved his balls and the long hairs at the base of his cock. The water steamed up the glass and rose in the shower as hair filled the strainer in the drain.

Tommy finished his shower and slipped back into his room to dress. He rummaged through his dresser in search of the panties that he’d bought special for tonight… black silk. He slipped them over his freshly shaved legs and was amazed at how sexy they felt against his bare skin. When they slid over his hardening and very hairless junk, Tommy got goose bumps all over. He was amazed at how sensitive his dick had become just by removing all the hair around it. When his hand skated over the silk covering his cock, he fantasized it was Adam touching him. He positioned his now stiff dick over to the side in an attempt to keep it inside his panties. Tommy shivered at the pleasant sensations, but removed his hand to finish getting dressed.

Never in his wildest dreams would Tommy believe that pulling his jeans up over his silk-covered dick would make him want to moan. This was going to be an interesting night out, he was very certain of that. When he sat down to pull his socks on, he felt the denim slide over his silk covered cock in a very sexy way. _Fuck! I’m gonna be hard all night if this keeps up!_

It was after three o'clock when he was finally ready to leave the house. Keys in hand, Tommy jumped into his piece-of-shit car and headed over to Sutan’s.

He knew traffic would be bad this time of day in West Hollywood and Tommy was grateful when he got to Sutan’s neighborhood. There was very little traffic on the tree shaded street of older houses. When he pulled into his driveway, Tommy looked at the quaint, white house where Sutan lived and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He checked one last time for a text from Sutan before he opened the car door. “HEY GF! GURLS NITE OUT! B HERE @4, SANS MAKEUP. I’LL MAKE U PURDY! ;) DOOR’S OPEN. I’LL B WAITING.” And just like that, Tommy was at ease again and had a huge grin plastered on his face.

Out of habit, Tommy tapped on the door before he opened it. “Sutan? I’m here.”

“We’re in the kitchen. And Sutan isn’t here, honey. Raja is,” she responded.

Tommy kicked off his sandals before he headed to the kitchen, where he found Raja and Anderson Brooks mixing cocktails.

“Tommy, you know Anderson, don’t you?” Raja asked as she handed him a margarita in a huge fishbowl glass. He was surprised to see that Raja already had her makeup and hair on.

“Yeah, we’ve partied before,” Tommy answered and turned to Anderson. “It’s good to see you again.”

“You too, Tommy! Raja asked me over to help get you ready for tonight,” she said with a smirk.

“Yeah, and we came up with a great idea of how to dress you up and keep you out of the limelight. How would you like to go as Anderson?” Raja suggested as she walked around Tommy, trailing her fingertips along his shoulders.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Tommy asked as goose bumps shivered up his arms.

Raja took Tommy’s chin in her hand and turned his head one way and then the other, while Anderson stood at her side. “I think we can pull this off,” Anderson commented as they studied Tommy’s face.

Tommy took a long pull from his drink. He knew Raja could perform miracles, so he figured it would be best to let them do what they wanted. “Go for it. Work your magic on me!”

That earned Tommy a huge smile from both of them. “Come on,” Raja beckoned. “I have a seat with your name on it!”

We took our drinks to ‘The Salon’. It was Raja’s spare bedroom set up with lights, mirrors and all the many things it would take to turn Tommy into one of the girls tonight. He took a seat and managed to gulp down a big swallow of his drink before it was removed from his hand and set aside.

“I think the first thing we need to do is start on is his eyebrows and give him a pedicure,” Anderson told Raja.

Raja looked down at Tommy’s feet. “Hmmmm. Yeah, you’re right. There’s no way nylons of any kind will go over those feet without getting snagged,” Raja replied. “You start on his brows and I get his feet soaking.”

Anderson primed Tommy’s eyebrows with spirit gum and added some brow wax to flatten them. When they were dry, she put foundation on his face and then finally drew on ‘Anderson’ brows. She stood back to admire her work with a smirk on her face.

Raja returned with a pan of warm, soapy water to soak his feet in. Tommy grabbed his glass and took a long drink before they continued his makeover. He closed his eyes as the sponges and brushes danced lightly over his face. He was accustomed to their feel and relaxed into the touch.

He probably would have fallen asleep if it weren’t for the constant chatter between Anderson and Raja. In a relatively short time, the two of them stood back to admire the results. Raja nudged Anderson over to Tommy’s side for a quick comparison. “We did it! Excellent job, Anderson!”

“Hey! I want to see it, too!” Tommy exclaimed.

“You’ll just have to wait to see the finished product. Relax and let us finish,” Raja told him. She removed Tommy’s feet from the water one at a time, buffed the roughness off and filed his toenails. Tommy thought again how easily he could get used to this type of treatment.

As Raja tended his feet, Anderson removed Tommy’s nail polish and then brushed something clear onto his nails. “We’ll put fake nails on after you’re dressed,” Anderson told him as she worked on them.

Raja left the room and returned with an outfit for Tommy to try on. He stared at it in disbelief. “There is no way I’m wearing those tights. My junk will stick out and no one will ever believe I’m Anderson!”

“Silly boy! You’re gonna have to tuck,” Raja calmly replied.

“No fucking way! I’m dressing up to have fun, not because I’m into pain! There is no way I’m going to tuck.” Tommy shook his head with determination.

“Have you ever tucked, Sugah?” Anderson asked.

“No, but I’ve heard it hurts,” he responded, and suddenly he felt very self-conscious because of who he was having this conversation with.

“It’s uncomfortable the first time until you get used to it. In a short while, you don’t even notice it,” Raja explained.

Tommy’s thoughts went to how good the silk panties felt against his dick and compared it to how he thought it would feel if he tucked. “I don’t want to,” he stated firmly.

They both looked frustrated with Tommy. Raja walked out of the room with a huff, carrying the tights with her. She returned with a short, pleated, pink satin skirt and a very frilly and layered black slip. “You could wear this without tucking,” Raja explained as she held them up. “I have a black midriff sweater with long sleeves to go with it. It will hide your tats so no one will recognize you. And, maybe some black fishnets and boots to finish off the ensemble?”

“That’s the skirt from Hawaii! You’ve still got it? That’s perfect!” he told her. Tommy smiled in anticipation and realized just how much he was looking forward to this. Granted, the silk panties he wore might have had something to do with it.

“Let’s get that sweater on him so we can fix his hair,” Anderson suggested.

Raja returned to her room to get the sweater and came back just as Tommy removed his t-shirt. He put the sweater on and the two of them fussed with it until it lay just right. Anderson then slid a long haired wig over Tommy’s head. She adjusted it and pulled a hunk his hair out from underneath to blend it in with the wig, and then secured it. The two of them took a step back and studied their handy work.

“Jesus, Anderson! It’s scary how much he looks like you!” Raja exclaimed.

“Yeah. It is,” Anderson agreed, sounding awestruck.

He caught glimpses of himself in the mirror behind them, and if Tommy hadn’t known it was him, he would swear it was Anderson staring back at him. They stood aside to let him have a better look.

“Wow!” It was all Tommy could say as he stared at his reflection. The wig hung past his shoulder on one side and was shorter on the other. It was several different shades of blond and looked just like Anderson’s. The midriff sweater was cut low with a tuck in front that made it look like he had boobs. The neckline rode just off his shoulders and the sleeves were so long they covered part of his hands.

“I look awesome,” Tommy managed to whisper when he turned to look at them.

The pride they both felt was obvious and Tommy was very impressed with what they had managed to accomplish. Too quickly, Raja was back to business. “Are you going to need help with the fishnets?” she asked.

He thought about the silk panties and all the boners he’d popped already, and decided privacy would be best. “I’ve worn them before. I can put them on with no problem,” Tommy replied.

“Everything is laid out on my bed. If you need any help, just yell,” Raja said.

“Thanks, darling,” Tommy responded as he sashayed toward her bedroom. He closed the door behind him and looked at the clothes lying on the bed. This night was going to be quite an experience for him, and Tommy couldn’t wait.

He popped the button and slid his jeans down. The feel of the denim over his silk-covered dick was so amazing. Chills ran up his back as his jeans slid over just shaved legs. Tommy took one of the fishnets and scrunched it up in his hands until only the toe was left, then slowly drew it up his leg while trying to keep the seam straight up the back. After he pulled the other stocking on, he ran his hands over both his legs just to enjoy the sensation. There was a stranger staring back at him from Sutan’s mirror. She had on black fishnet stockings with tiny pink bows at the top and Tommy thought she was freaking sexy. He never imagined he could look this beautiful. Well, beautiful aside from the obvious, and non-beautiful, hard on in his panties. He slid his hand over the lump and enjoyed the feel of silk over his cock. He pulled his hand away before a wet spot soaked through the fabric.

Tommy reached for the skirt and pulled it on. Except for the protrusion in the front, it looked hot as fuck already. He slid the slip underneath the skirt and straightened up to look in the mirror. The slip just peeked out from under the skirt and it billowed out. The frills both teased and hid his junk. If he ended up with a hard-on all night, at least it wouldn’t show.

He looked inside one of the boots and noticed they were a women's size ten. Tommy wore a size eight in men's so he didn't know how this would work. When he slid his foot in, he was shocked that it was a perfect fit. He pulled the zipper up and put on the other boot. They were snug all the way up to his knees and looked just right. He stood in front of the mirror again, more than pleased with the results. He raised his hands and jumped around a little, really enjoying the way the frills teased his cock through the silk.

There was a knock at the door and Tommy froze mid-jump. “There better not be any pecker tracks on my new bedspread!” Raja yelled.

Tommy snickered at the thought. “Come on in. I’m dressed,”

The door opened and Raja’s eyes popped. Anderson, standing behind her, looked quite pleased. “I’m going to have to borrow that outfit from you someday, Raja,” she said.

Raja walked around him and ran her hands up the bottom of the layered slip to the skirt. “Oh, honey. Dressing you up in hotel rooms is fun, but why haven’t you been out in drag before this?” she asked in a breathless voice. “You’re beautiful, Tommy Joe!”

Tommy blushed at the hungry look she was giving him. Finally, she stepped back. “If I’m taking you out tonight, you are gonna have to take that sweet little ass of yours out of here so I can get dressed,” she stated with a tap to Tommy’s bottom to send him off. He blew her a kiss and followed Anderson out of the room. _Yes, tonight is going to be fun._

He followed Anderson into the salon for his drink. She had him sit down and pressed some long, pink, fake nails over Tommy’s. “There you are, Sweetheart. You’re ready to go. Just don’t do anything to embarrass my good name,” she said with a smirk.

“Um, yeah, and just what could I do to embarrass your fine name?” Tommy asked, returning her smirk with one of his own.

“Just don’t kiss any girls unless they’re men in drag and you’ll be fine. God this is weird! I feel like I’m talking to myself,” she said.

“Thanks for making me look like you. God, this is awesome!” he responded.

She laughed. “Just have a great time tonight. I have to get going or I’ll be late.”

“You gonna be on stage tonight?” Tommy inquired.

“Yeah, so I better leave now. I hope you have a great night, Tommy. Just remember to answer when someone calls my name.” She rose to go just as Raja returned to the room.

“You heading out, honey?” Raja asked.

“Yeah, you know how much I hate being late!” Anderson responded with a laugh, and then her eyes ran all over Raja. “You look wicked hot, mama! You trying to compete with mini-me?”

“Fuck, yeah! I need to look good enough to keep his eyes from wandering!” Raja countered.

“Yes… You wouldn’t want someone that beautiful to be screwing around on you now would you?” Anderson said with a smirk.

Tommy started laughing at the two of them. “As if I could look at anyone else while I was with the beautiful Raja! Now, get outta here before you’re late!”

Anderson gave each of them a careful hug before she dashed out to her car. Finally, Raja had Tommy’s full attention.

She’d taken the clip out that had held her hair up, and now it was hanging long and straight down her back. She was wearing an incredibly short silver dress, belted at the waist, and it barely covered her ass. The neckline was cut straight across, leaving her shoulders bare, and the dress had long, billowing sleeves that ended in tight elastic around her wrists. She also had on the hottest thigh-high, black, patent leather boots Tommy had ever seen.

“You are one hot mama! Damn, Raja! Looking good!” Tommy usually had to struggle to compliment anyone, but those words flew from his mouth without even thinking.

“Thanks, baby. I expect to monopolize your attention tonight. I will be very insulted if you take off with some babe who catches your eye,” Raja said and walked right up to him like a cat on the prowl, with stealth and grace. She tilted his face up with one finger under his chin and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

Between the teasing brushes of lace over the silk that covered his dick and the six and a half foot embodiment of pure sex standing before him, Tommy was sporting some serious wood that wouldn’t quit. “Honey, I’m all yours tonight!” he told her, and somehow, managed to keep his tone light.


	2. Chapter 2

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It was seven o’clock by the time they were ready to leave Raja’s. With her behind the wheel, their first stop was the Ginger Grass Restaurant. They found a table underneath the umbrellas on the patio, ordered the grilled vegetable rolls and Vietnamese coffee, and watched the people walk by as they ate. A drop of sauce stuck to the corner of Raja’s lips and Tommy couldn’t pull his eyes away from it. He slowly reached out to wipe it off with his fingertip. He had planned to wipe his finger on the table cloth, but instead he sucked his finger clean under Raja’s intense gaze. Her eyes blew as she watched his mouth. Tommy also indulged in some blush inducing thoughts; all of them involved her spread out on his bed.

They left the restaurant, crossed the street at Rockaway Records and walked down Glendale to the Cha-Cha lounge. Lady Gaga’s ‘Let’s Dance’ was loud enough that they could hear it blast through the open door as they approached.

It brought back memories of the Lady Gaga concert he had gone to with Adam. They had a fucking blast that night! It was a quick leap from there to that night a couple months ago when Tommy expected to discover the wonders of sex with Adam. The confusing thing was, when he had suggested going further than kissing, Adam asked him how much he’d had to drink, and then wouldn’t kiss him anymore the rest of the night. Tommy never found the balls to man up and talk to Adam about it the next day.

_Christ! Here I am, on a ‘date’ with Raja, thinking about Adam._ Tommy sighed and tried to shake Adam out of his brain. _He’s seeing someone now, and that someone isn’t me. My chance with Adam is long gone._

Raja and Tommy found themselves a table where they could see people dancing from where they sat. They ordered a round of Margaritas before Raja dragged him out on the floor. Luckily, it was crowded enough to make it unnecessary for Tommy to know how. Raja was deceptively strong, and easily manhandled him around the dance floor. He found that as exciting as the feel of ruffles brushing against his crotch. She wrapped her arms around him and together, they swayed to the music.

“You look fabulous tonight,” she told him.

“I’ll never look as hot as you do, Raj.” He meant it too. She was fucking gorgeous tonight. The song ended and they returned to their drinks. They got a bit of attention as they pushed through the crowd to return to their seats, laughing with each other the entire way.

Some of Raja’s fans came up to say hi to her, one of them also wanted Anderson’s autograph. “I’ll sign whatever you want with the condition that Anderson’s off-night remains a night off,” Raja stated in a voice so sweet, Tommy doubted anyone could refuse. Her devotees nodded eagerly. Raja was clearly the big catch here tonight.

Fans said a polite hello to him, but he looked away demurely, afraid they would want to talk, and he sounded nothing like Anderson.

He noticed a couple of camera phones aimed toward them and mentioned it to Raja. “Trust me, honey, you have nothing to worry about. You look too much like Anderson for anyone to recognize you.”

Tommy sat back and took another swig of his margarita while he checked out the other pretty girls. Well, many of them were pretty boys dressed like girls, but who’s keen on that distinction? Not him! When the waitress came by, they ordered another round of drinks before Raja drug him back out to dance. One song blended into another and when the music turned slow, Raja took him into her arms. He was content to follow her lead.

“Christ on a cracker! I never knew you were this much fun. I could make a habit of nights out with you like this,” she growled into his ear.

His erection ground against her thigh so lewdly that she had to know the effect she was having on him. The way she moved against him wasn’t helpful either. It made him think of all the things he’d like to do with her. He tried to take his mind off the feel of her body, soft and delicate, yet hard and strong. He tried to focus on the bass line of the song instead. He tried, and failed miserably. All too quickly, the song ended and Raja led him back to their table.

They were hot and sweaty, and the fresh Margaritas waiting for them at their table were soon nothing but shriveled pieces of lime in empty, salt-rimmed glasses. He waved the waitress over and ordered them two more drinks each, which got Raja laughing. “What are you trying to do, get me drunk? I still have to drive us home,” she declared.

Her laugh was contagious, and he found himself laughing with her. “Well, darling, I could order you a juice and drink the Margaritas myself. Besides, I move better when I’m buzzed,” he said, winking. Actually, it was normally impossible to get him on a dance floor before he was completely sloshed.

“I want to dance with you, not carry you! You’re too tiny to drink all that. I’ll drink my share just to keep you on your feet,” she teased.

“I’m tiny? Baby, you’re so thin, I’m sure I weigh more than you,” he retorted.

“Oh, I’m too skinny for you now, am I?” Her tone was somewhere between being mildly accusatory and unnervingly curious.

“No! Fuck, no! _You_ are fucking appetizing and beautiful, Raja,” he insisted.

She leaned close to Tommy and tilted his chin up with one finger so that he was face to face with her. “You mean that, don’t you? You are just too adorable,” she uttered, then gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

The waitress interrupted them with the drinks they ordered. Tommy gave her enough money to pay for them plus extra for a tip, and then returned his attention to Raja. “To life partners!” he toasted, and held up his drink.

“To life partners,” she repeated, and tapped their glasses together. They downed their drinks, and she set her glass aside to grab his hand. “Come on, Sugah. Let’s dance.”

The ruffles of his slip teased him with every move, and it seemed like the dance floor was more crowded than it was earlier. Raja pulled him close and suddenly he didn’t mind the crowd that much at all. He found her soft scent and firm strength a heady mixture. She placed one hand on his bare midriff and the other stroked up and down his arm. _Oh, Christ! If I don’t concentrate on how to play the bass line to this song, my panties will be creamed before this dance is through._

The song ended and this time, he pulled Raja off the dance floor; his stiff dick needed a break. “Come on, Raj. Let’s finish our drinks,” Tommy insisted as he grabbed her hand. They returned to their table and Tommy pulled his chair closer to hers. He picked up his drink and raised it. “To the night of my life,” he toasted.

Her smile was wide. “To the night of my life, thanks to you,” she replied. They tapped glasses and drank, their eyes locked over the salt dipped rims.

His bladder called attention to itself, and Tommy wondered how awkward it would be to take a leak dressed like this. Thinking about it caused him to have to piss even more. “Which johns do we use, dressed like this?” he asked.

She still had her drink raised to her lips, and almost spilled it when she burst out laughing from his question. “The same one you always use. Anderson would have a fit if pictures got posted of him walking out of the girl’s john.”

Tommy had to laugh too, thinking of just how much that would piss Anderson off, and excused himself to go take a wiz. He walked into the restroom and looked at the urinals, but when he noticed his reflection in the mirror, he passed them by and entered a stall, instead. He pulled up the skirt and slip, and lowered his panties enough to aim. When he was done, he repositioned himself back inside the damp silk. Between the sweat and the pre-come, the panties were pretty much ruined, but they still felt good. He straightened his slip and skirt again, loving every tease of the ruffles. He sighed, knowing he’d be hard the rest of the night, and went to wash his hands before retracing his steps back to Raja.

She saw him returning and stood up. “You’re back. Let’s go dance,” she said.

“Give me a sec, baby.” The endearments came easier as his buzz built. He reached for his drink and quickly finished it, then followed her back out to dance. They danced for three more songs on the very crowded floor. The last dance was slow and very arousing as he rubbed against Raja’s thigh. After that song, Tommy pulled her off the dance floor. They returned to their table only to find another couple was sitting in their seats.

Raja led him toward the bar, where there was an empty stool with a scrolled, wooden back at the end. She took the seat at Tommy insistence. Before he could make himself comfortable leaning on the bar, she spun sideways, trapping him between her legs in the tight space they shared. Before their drinks were delivered to them, he leaned in to kiss her.

Yeah, maybe if he were sober he wouldn’t be doing this, but he had a nice buzz going and was lovable when he drank. There was a quiet voice in his head that kept asking him what the hell he was doing with Raja... with Sutan. Their friendship was too important to chance screwing it up. But there was a louder voice that said this might go somewhere even better.

Raja’s hand trailed to the skin exposed at his side, and her other slipped around the back of his neck as she deepened the kiss. It wasn’t Adam’s kiss, but then this wasn’t Adam. And once again, Tommy found himself trying to brush Adam out of his mind. Adam was with someone else now. This was Raja. She was gorgeous, here in front of him, and he wanted her.

His hands went to her thighs, and slid from the top of her boots to the bottom of her short dress. With each slide, his fingers pushed the hem up a fraction more, and his thumbs found their way even higher as they caressed those beautiful legs.

Raja leaned back and studied his face. “If you aren’t careful, I’m going to take you into the john and fuck you into a stall,” she threatened.

Tommy was so fucking hard right now, he just wanted. “That doesn't sound like such a bad idea,” he replied, his voice hoarser than usual.

Her eyes opened wide, and she pulled back even farther. “How much have you had to drink, Tommy?”

Adam asked him that same question when Tommy had tried to take things further with him. He found himself getting a little defensive now. “I’ve had enough to relax, but not enough that I don’t know what I’m doing.” Both of Raja’s arms were resting on the back of the chair now. “What the fuck is it with you and Adam?” Tommy demanded.

Still studying him, she took her time to answer. “We care about you and won’t chance you hating us the next morning when you’re sober. Just how far have you gone with Adam?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” he demanded.

“Everything. I know he’s drawn a line with you because you only expressed a desire to go further when you were drunk. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, nor have things get awkward between us.”

“You two have talked about me? About what’s happened, or not happened between us?” Tommy was shocked and embarrassed, which stoked the fire of his anger. “He won’t touch me, so neither will you? Fuck! The two of you would rather my curiosity take me to a stranger?” He backed away from Raja’s hands as they reached out for him.

Tommy was really pissed, and the anger worked better than a cold shower on his wood. But in his buzzed state, he was determined to have the answers of his sexuality tonight. He continued to back away from Raja, and noticed a good looking guy between him and the men's room. He was standing in a pose that couldn’t be mistaken for anything other than a pick-up.

A voice inside his head screamed at him to stop this craziness and call a cab to take him home. He ignored the voice completely and approached the guy. “Looking for a good time?” he baited. The man’s eyes came to life with a smile that lit up his face, and he followed close behind as Tommy walked into the men’s room.

He started to get nervous now that he’d taken it this far, and stopped against the wall by the door. The guy was good looking, slim and a little taller than him in these heels. He had short, brown hair and brown eyes. His teeth were very white and straight. He leaned one hand on the wall over Tommy’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. “Hey, Gorgeous! Where have you been my whole life?”

Tommy got distracted when the door opened and Raja walked in. “Take a hike,” she told the guy, and then turned her glare on Tommy. The guy looked from Raja to him and when Tommy didn’t refute her demand, he slapped the wall and left. Raja closed the gap between them when Tommy remained by the wall, and somehow, they were alone.

“Why did you do that?” Tommy asked her.

“If you got hurt, I’d never be able to forgive myself. And Adam would kick my ass,” she told him.

_Adam?_ “What the fuck has Adam got to do with this?”

“Honey, if you don’t know by now, you’re blind,” was her only response as she glared at him.

“Then why won’t he do anything more than kiss me?”

“Jesus, Tommy! You’re straight! He doesn’t want to have to pick up the pieces of his heart when you realize a man isn’t your thing.”

“That’s ridiculous! He’s with somebody else now!”

“Is he?” Raja asked as her face softened.

Tommy was almost overwhelmed with frustration as he tried to make sense of this conversation. “So he won’t touch me and neither will you. It looks like that only leaves a random hook up for me to find out what I’m missing.”

Suddenly, her lips were on Tommy’s. Raja’s tongue probed into his mouth as one hand slid around his neck and the other teased the exposed skin at his waist. With her thigh between his legs, his wood was back with a vengeance.

He grasped onto her arms, her very strong arms, for support. He liked the feel of her power over him as their tongues fought for dominance, and he ceded full control to her. Tommy turned into a pliant, rag doll, and without breaking the kiss, she backed him into the handicap stall in the corner, pushing him against the wall once the door was shut.

Tommy was totally at her mercy when she slid down to her knees and reached under his slip, rubbing her fingers against his hard cock. He moaned and hit the back of his head against the wall, her hand felt that good. “Silk panties, baby? That must have been murder with this slip rubbing against you. Raja will take good care of you. Hold your skirt up out of his way, that’s it,” she crooned, and lowered his panties so he could step out of them.

With his cock so sensitive and now waving freely against her hand, his knees began to turn into jelly. Her tongue made a slow slide up his cock and licked into the slit. That tease was almost more than he could take after being at least partially hard all evening and thrusted his hips forward. She grabbed his thighs and held them against the wall to keep him under her control, and her eyes locked with his. “Hold your skirt up higher. I’ll be very upset if you fuck up my hair,” she warned.

He pulled the skirt higher, and when she ran her tongue around the crown of his dick, he bit his lip and let out a soft moan. She wrapped her lips around the head of his cock and sucked it into her mouth, doing the most magical things with her tongue. “Please,” he moaned quietly. “Ohmyfuckinggod that feels good. Oh, god, please... More... Fuck... Fuck... Don’t quit... Please...”

Her tongue sucked and teased all over his cock and balls and Tommy knew he was going to embarrass himself by coming too quickly. But, fuck, the things she was doing! Raja wrapped her lips around his cock again and sucked it down her throat. She swallowed three times in a row and the sensation of her throat around the head of his cock tipped him over the top. He bit his bottom lip so hard that he could taste blood, then let out a keen and came harder than he had ever remembered. Raja milked his cock with her lips and tongue until it was empty.

She stood and grabbed him by the back of his neck and kissed him. Her tongue was covered with his cum as she thrust it into his mouth. He sucked on her tongue and licked into her mouth until there was no more of his essence other than a faint taste left in both of their mouths. She broke the kiss and seemed to study him. He smiled sloppily with what little energy that remained to him after that amazing blow-job. He reached for her hips and ran his hands down below her skirt and began to raise it up.

“Nah uh. Not tonight, girlfriend. I don’t tuck when I have any expectations for sex. If you want to pay me back sometime in the future, you be sure to let me know. Put your panties on, sweetheart. It’s time to go home,” she said to him as she backed up.

He stood against the wall, half dazed, and watched her leave the stall. She could kill him with that talented mouth of hers, but what a way to go! He was weak as a baby when he leaned down to pull his panties back on.

He heard Raja by the sink, probably fixing her make-up, when the door opened and someone walked in. He couldn’t believe how lucky they had been to have had those few minutes of privacy. He carefully put everything back into place and left the stall.

Tommy went to the mirror with Raja and put his arm around her. “Thanks, darling. I owe you for that,” he told her quietly.

“Yes, you do, and we <i>are</i> going to talk about it,” she informed him, and then wiped smudges of mascara off from his face and handed him her lip gloss. By the time they left the men’s room, they were both looking good again. They walked through the crowd to the exit and made their way back to the Ginger Grass where they left her car.

On the road and headed back to her place, she turned the radio off and took a quick glance at him. “If you’re going to freak out with what we did, it better not change our relationship! You know you were begging for trouble tonight,” she stated, her eyes staying focused on the road.

Tommy was so relaxed and mellow, there wasn’t a thought in his mind, let alone a freak out. “Don’t worry, Raja. I’m good. But what you did! Jesus Fucking Christ! I’ve never experienced anything like that. You’re going to be the death of me!” he told her, hoping it would set her mind at ease. The fact was, he was good with what they had done. He already knew what his cum tasted like from being kissed after blow jobs in the past. The difference was, those kisses contained just his essence, not a tongue covered in semen to make a point. And having a mouth on his cock? It was just that: a mouth on his cock.

“Well, don’t let this put a wedge between us, Tommy! I mean it.”

“I promise it won’t. You’re my life partner! And I know the next time Rosie Palm and I get together, I’ll be reliving every twirl of your tongue. Thank you for tonight, Raja. There is no reason to continue this conversation. I’m fine and I have all intentions of paying you back.” Tommy then reached out for the radio knob and turned the music back on.

Raja glanced at him again before focusing back on the road, and the rest of the ride to her place was easy and filled with chatter. The roads weren’t congested and they arrive there in no time. She asked him in for a night cap, fixed drinks for them both and took him into her salon.

“Let me get that brow wax off your face before you go home, sweetie,” Raja told him as she reached for a bottle on the counter. She took a quick sip of her drink and then set it down. Picking up a cotton pad, she poured some of the liquid on it and swiped it over his brows.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“It’s Bond-Off! It will take the wax off your brows and without pulling them out,” she explained.

“Oh,” he said. He enjoyed having her dote on him like this.

She finished quickly, and they returned to her kitchen with their drinks. She pulled out a plastic tin of coke and scraped out a couple lines for each of them. _What a way to end a date! This will make getting back home so much easier, too._

Tommy left shortly after that, but the good-bye kiss was arousing enough to make him consider begging her to let him spend the night. She handed him a bag containing the clothes he arrived in, and seemed content to push him out the door. He waved and headed to his car, although he would much rather have stayed.

The ride home was uneventful, and the coke kept him alert. There was very little traffic and he arrived home quickly. When he saw Dave’s car in the driveway, but not Mike’s, he regretted not taking the time to change his clothes at Raja’s.

He grabbed his bag of clothes and walked up the path to the front door. The house was dark, and he hoped Dave was asleep so he wouldn’t start anything tonight. Tommy’s luck just wasn’t that good though. He hadn’t even gotten the door shut before Dave walked out of his room.

“Well, well, well! It looks like the pretty little cum catcher is dressed up like the little slut he is. Whoring around town, letting any Tom, Dick and Harry fill your ass full with their jizz,” Dave taunted.

“Fuck off, asshole!” Tommy could only hope he backed off this shit soon. Dave raised his hand to catch Tommy’s chin and he slapped it away. Dave’s other hand came up fast and hard and he hit Tommy in the face. Unaccustomed to the heels on the boots, he lost his balance and came down wrong on his foot. He twisted and fell on his face, and then Dave jumped him from behind. He struggled to get up or turn over so he could defend himself, but Dave grabbed his neck in a bruising hold and pushed it against the floor. “Get the fuck off me, Dave! What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Tommy managed to grunt out.

“You fucking little bitch! You’re so fucking pretty! You and that pretty face of yours, teasing every cock you sashay in front of! You put out to all your rock star buddies, just so you can be famous. I’m sick of being the laughing stock with my friends. Fuck! I should have realized you were a slutty cunt when you opened your mouth so easily for another man’s tongue on national TV. I see it now, though! Tonight, you can be my pretty little bitch!”

All the time he was talking, Tommy was trying to get out of his grasp. Dave had him pinned tight by sitting on his back and pushing his neck into the carpet. When he scooted lower down his thighs and pushed his skirt up, Tommy realized just how bad the situation was. The mother-fucker was gonna try to rape him! Fear and disbelief warred with each other as he desperately struggled to free himself.

“Oh, my, fucking, god! Would you look at this! You’re wearing panties that are sexier than _any_ of my dates ever wore. You pretty, little, fucking slut! You’re just begging for it, ain’t you?”

“Get the fuck off me, Dave! I’m fucking straight and you know it! Get off me!”

“Keep your lying, mouth shut, you little, cock-sucking bitch!” He grabbed Tommy’s panties with his free hand and ripped them completely apart, leaving his ass bare.

“What the fuck, Dave! Get off me!”

He heard Dave’s fly as he unzipped and Tommy bucked and twisted for all he was worth as he tried to get away. He couldn’t find any leverage with the way Dave had him pinned. His shouts for Dave to get off him alternated between begging and demanding. Impotent tears filled his eyes as he felt Dave’s dick rubbing at the crack of his ass. He fought for all he was worth to get free, and screamed at the top of his lungs for Dave to stop.


	3. Chapter 3

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=30syhis)

“Motherfucker! Get off him!” Mike screamed as he ran into the house, the front door slammed in his wake. Dave was shoved off his back, and Tommy scrambled as quickly as he could to the safety of the bathroom and locked himself in. Tommy slid down the door shaking; his legs could no longer hold him up, and tears ran down his face. _I almost got fucking raped! And earlier tonight I’d hoped to find out what sex with a man was like? How could I have wanted that?_

Tommy sat against the door, while he tried to pull himself together. The noise from the living room began to seep into his senses, and he listened closely to find out what was happening out there. He wondered how safe he really was in here as he heard the scuffles and punches connect painfully loud, and hoped like hell it wasn’t Mike getting hurt.

“Leave me alone, asshole! He has no business being so pretty,” was followed by another punch. “I’ll call the fucking cops on you if you don’t get off me,” was followed by several more punches. Now that Tommy knew Mike was the one dispensing the pain, he felt much better.

“If you call the police, I’ll let them know what you were doing when I found you. You stupid fucker! You better hope to hell Tommy doesn’t want to go to the police! If his fans find out you’ll really have to watch your back!” was punctuated every few words with the sound of a fist impacting against skin. More punches followed until Dave was groaning and Mike sounded out of breath.

“He was begging for it,” Dave moaned out.

“He’s straight, motherfucker! You have no right to touch him,” Mike growled.

Tommy heard a thump louder than the rest and Dave yelped. He heard other movements that he couldn’t make out, and then footsteps scrambling toward the front door.

“Fuck!” Dave screamed out with the sound of another loud impact, and then the door slammed.

The 'click-tap, click-tap' of Mike's boots on the tile floor got louder as he approached the bathroom, followed by a soft knock on the door. “Tommy? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, man. Fine,” I answered. Yeah, right. Fine. He was shaking so hard, he wasn't sure if he could stand up.

“I’m here for you, dude. You want me to call the police?”

Tommy thought about what Mike had yelled at Dave. The _last_ thing he wanted was for his fans to know he was almost raped by his roommate. There was no way he could file any charges against Dave for what he did. “No. I just want to get away from here.”

“Why don’t you get some things together and go stay with Adam for the next few days. We can’t move into the new place till next week.”

“Yeah. Good idea,” Tommy replied. He glared at the ruined fishnets and the boots that he lost his balance in. His hands just wouldn’t quit shaking and he had a difficult time removing them. Wadding up the mutilated fishnets, Tommy tossed them in the direction of the trash basket and struggled to stand. He was disgusted with what he saw in the mirror and quickly removed the wig and the rest of his clothes, tossing them all aside. He studied his image; the smeared make-up, the bruises, the rug burns, and suddenly he felt sick. All that was left in his stomach he bestowed to the porcelain gods, and then brushed the taste from his mouth. Easing into the shower, he adjusted it as hot as he could stand it on his raw skin and scrubbed himself clean. By the time he got out and dry, his hands were steady again.

Tommy studied his reflection again, and the shame he felt convinced him to keep this from Adam. He put on some make-up and made sure all the bruises were hidden. Then he realized he hadn’t brought clothes in with him. Nervously, he wrapped a towel around himself and cracked the door open. He checked to see if Dave was back before he dashed to his room, locking the door behind him. He dressed quickly in jeans and his striped hoodie to hide the raw skin and bruises on his arms and neck.

He grabbed his backpack and threw a couple days’ worth of clothes inside. Then he glanced around the room to see what else he might need. He slipped on his creepers and grabbed his Fender and keys to make his escape. Mike was waiting for him in the living room.

“You want me to drive you over to Adam’s?” he asked.

“No, I’m good. But thanks. I’ll…” Tommy sighed. This was Mike, not Dave. Mike wouldn’t try to fucking rape him because he was pretty. “Don’t tell anyone, please? I don’t want anyone to know what happened. I’m not coming back here. Just… let me know when we can move, will ya?”

“Sure. No problem. If ya want, I’ll pack up your stuff and take it along when I move out of here. It should be early next week.”

“Yeah. That would be great. Thanks, man.” Tommy looked around and noticed some blood and disturbed furniture. He scrutinized Mike, and other than a couple of bleeding knuckles, he looked unharmed. “You alright?”

Mike snorted. “Yeah. I’m fine. Dave’s been working on a good ass kicking for a while.”

“Yeah.” Tommy agreed, not knowing what else to add.

“I think I cracked a couple of his ribs and busted his nose. He’s not going to be very pretty for a while,” Mike added.

“Pretty. Yeah.” That word opened the doors to all the things Dave said. It was all because he was pretty. A shiver ran up his spine. “I’m gonna take off before he comes back. I’ll see you later, dude.”

“You take care, Tommy. Call me if you need anything. I’ll call you when you can come to the new place.”

Tommy had run out of words, so he simply nodded and went out to his car. The whole way to Adam’s, he struggled to relax and be himself. He really didn’t want anyone to know what happened tonight.

He pulled into Adam’s long driveway and for the first time, didn’t notice the beautiful, sculptured grounds. Tommy parked and looked up at the modern stucco, two story house before he took a reinforcing breath and walked up to the door. He saw lights on inside, so knew Adam was home. Tommy rang the doorbell and waited. The porch light came on seconds before the door opened. Adam had a huge smile on his face and his cell phone in his hand.

When Adam grabbed him by the back of the neck; he froze. The grip Adam had on his bruised and tender neck hurt, and Tommy forgot where he was and who he was with. He relived Dave’s rough hand holding him down with his brutal grasp.

Adam didn’t seem to realize something was wrong; he just kept going on about Raja and wanting to see him in drag. Tommy’s muscles finally loosened up enough for him to pull away and he ran back to his car. “Tommy! You don’t have to show me now,” Adam yelled, as Tommy opened the driver’s door and slipped inside. He started the engine and quickly backed out. The only sounds he was aware of was Adam yelling at him to come back and his own blood pounding in his ears.

Tommy didn’t remember how he ended up at Sutan’s again. He didn’t remember even making that his destination. By the time Tommy walked up to his door, he was a fucking mess. He couldn’t stop shaking or the tears that were running down his face. Sutan opened the door, got a good look at him and told him to come in. Sutan watched him with his all-seeing eyes. “What happened, Tommy?” he asked quietly.

Tommy turned his back and wiped his face off again. “Can I stay here a couple days?” he asked.

“Honey, you know my door is always open for you. You can take my bed and I’ll sleep on the sofa,” Sutan responded.

He had forgotten that Sutan’s only spare bedroom was set up for the salon. Tommy finally turned to look him in the face. “No, I’ll sleep here. I don’t want to kick you out of your own bed.”

“Tommy, what happened?” his friend asked again.

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” he said, and turned away from him again.

Sutan slid the back of his fingers lightly up and down Tommy’s back, and then walked away. Tommy turned and watched him go into the den where the television was on. He sat on one end of his long couch and motioned Tommy to join him. “Come on, baby. You know you’re safe here.”

He slowly followed him into the den, partially because he didn’t know how much longer his legs would hold him up. Sutan reached under the sofa and pulled out a tray of weed. After rolling a joint and lighting it, he held it out to him. Tommy sat down in the middle of the couch and took the reefer from Sutan’s long fingers. He sucked smoke deep into his lungs and held it while he passed it back. The only talking in the room was from the TV until the roach was nothing but ashes. It was good pot, and Tommy’s hands finally stopped shaking. He felt relaxed and his eyes were heavy.

“Do you have anything else to wear so you can be comfortable tonight? Or should I get you a pair of my sleep pants?” Sutan asked.

Tommy groaned to himself. “I have some clothes in my backpack outside, but no sleep pants. I was planning on staying with Adam. I still have some of my things over there.”

“Can I ask why you are here if you were going to stay with Adam?” he asked hesitantly.

“I… just couldn’t.” Tommy looked at anything except Sutan, desperately not wanting to have this conversation.

“Let me get you something to wear and some bedding. Bring your things in so we can get you settled,” Sutan told him.

Tommy went back outside to get his backpack and guitar, and thought about Sutan’s actions and words. It was almost as if he knew what had happened and was afraid he would scare him off.

When he walked back into the den, Sutan was already smoothing the sheet that would be Tommy’s bed and had drinks poured for both of them. Tommy set his things beside his made up bed as Sutan handed him a drink. “It’s Jack on the rocks. You look like you could use it.”

He took the ice cold glass and downed most of it before he placed it on a coaster. Neither of them had sat down yet and when Tommy looked up at him, he found Sutan watching him like he was a treed animal. He locked eyes with the tall man and slowly approached him. Tommy wrapped his arms around his close friend’s waist and laid his head on his shoulder. Sutan gently folded Tommy in his arms and tilted his cheek down to rest on the top of his head. For the first time since Tommy left him earlier, he felt safe.

When he pulled away from Sutan, Tommy was surprised to find tears welling in his eyes again. “There are some sleep pants and a t-shirt that should fit you in the bathroom. Go get cleaned up, honey,” Sutan told him quietly, giving him the opportunity to pull himself together. Tommy nodded and turned to do as he said.

Tommy took his time washing off his makeup again. There was a new toothbrush on the counter along with the other things Sutan had left for him. He used it and then changed his clothes. Tommy was beginning to ache everywhere, between the bruises and raw skin. Looking into the mirror, he studied his reflection and realized there was no way he could hide this from Sutan. Especially the finger prints around his neck. _Fuck!_

He resigned himself to an explanation tonight, even though he didn’t want to talk about it. He returned to the den to find Sutan watching him closely, cataloging everything he saw. Tommy shut off the lamp before he crawled on the sofa to hide under the afghan laying there for him.

His drink had been topped off and there was a fresh joint sitting in the ashtray. Sutan bent down over him and brushed the hair out of his eyes. Here it comes, was all he could think. “You make yourself comfortable, Tommy. If you need me for anything, even if you just want to talk, you know where to find me. I’m going to bed. You try to get some sleep.” Sutan kissed him on the temple, stood and went into his bedroom. He left the door open a crack and Tommy could hear his bed squeak as he laid down.

The respect Sutan had given him for his privacy had been an unexpected relief. Tommy reached for his drink and stared at the TV with no idea of what was on.

His mind kept replaying Dave’s words, that he was too pretty. _Maybe it’s time I change my image._ Tommy thought how masculine Marilyn Manson looked compared to him. He knew what changes he needed to make to prevent what happened tonight from ever happening to him again. _I know how to stop being pretty!_

His drink was gone and so was half the joint before he tried to close his eyes. He tossed and turned, trying to find a position that didn’t hurt. It was a long time before sleep found him and held him in her clutches.

* * *

_He was on the tour bus trying to get a few more minutes of sleep. Adam and Sutan were talking quietly, and then they started messing with him by pulling back his blankets and playing with the hair on the back of his neck. Tommy pretended he was asleep in the hopes they would leave him alone. The hands soon went away, but they continued to talk quietly._ Then Tommy realized that he wasn’t on the bus; he was on a sofa from the feel of it. The memories from last night hit him and he woke up with a jerk. His heart tried to beat its way out of his chest, and it thumped in time to the drum in his head.

He rolled over on his back, moaned with each new pain that arose, and cracked open his eyes. He saw Sutan walking out of the room and then picked his head up to look around. Adam was sitting in a chair across from him with tears welling in his eyes. _Fuck! What’s he doing here?_

Tommy scrambled to a sitting position and shielded himself with his blankets as he watched Adam. He began to panic, wondering why he was here.

“You know you have no reason to be afraid of me, Tommy,” Adam quietly assured him.

His mind raced and he felt betrayed that Sutan called him. He pulled his eyes away from Adam when he realized that he must look like a deer caught in headlights. Tommy tried to calm himself and noticed the other half of the joint still sitting in the ashtray. He reached out of his cocoon to grab it. He lit it, and sucked smoke deep into his lungs. Adam made no move to indicate a desire to share it, so Tommy kept it to himself.

“Mike called to find out how you were doing, but wouldn’t say anything else when I told him you weren’t there. So I called all over trying to find you. I didn’t understand why you left the way you did last night. Tommy, who did this to you?”

So Sutan didn’t call him. He was relieved to know he truly could trust him. With all the pity that was bleeding from Adam, Tommy found he couldn’t look him in the eye. He didn’t want to have this conversation, not now, not ever, and especially not with Adam. Sutan returned to the den with a glass of OJ and a bottle of Tylenol. He set the juice down on the coaster in front of Tommy with the Tylenol next to it, and then reached for the joint. Tommy passed it to him, swallowed three of the pills with the juice, and watched Sutan hand the joint to Adam. Adam looked at it a moment before he raised it to his lips.

He felt so emotionally drained that it was difficult to even find the energy to talk this morning. Sutan looked between Adam and Tommy before locking eyes with him. “He loves you, Tommy. That’s why he’s here. It’s killing him to know someone raped you,” he said quietly.

“I wasn’t raped,” Tommy explained just as quietly, hoping they would drop it now.

Adam leaned forward to hand him the roach. Tommy hit it one last time then dropped it in the ashtray. “The fact that you’re here tells me something happened at home. Did Mike do this to you?” Adam asked.

“Fuck! No, Mike didn’t do this to me! Just drop it, will ya?” Anger filled him fast and he couldn’t stop himself from snapping at Adam. Then he hated himself for the hurt expression on Adam’s face. He got up to leave the room, but Adam rose and stopped him by putting his arms around him. It wasn’t unusual for Adam to have his arms around Tommy, but he didn’t want to be touched right now. Tommy tensed up and it almost broke him to whimper out, “Please, don’t.”

Adam released him and they stood there, Tommy with his back to him. “Dave tried to last night. Mike came home and stopped him, and beat the shit out of him. Can we drop it now?” Tommy left the room and locked himself in the bathroom and wondered what hurt the worst, his throbbing head, his raw skin or his self-esteem.

He turned on the shower and jumped in, hoping to wash the dirty feeling off. The shower wasn’t as long or as hot as he’d like; it burnt against his chafed skin. Tommy got out of the shower but felt as dirty as when he got in. He brushed his teeth, took care of his morning constitutional and put on the robe he found hanging from the door. Sutan was written all over it, between its wild peacock colors and its soft satiny feel. Tommy hoped he wouldn’t mind him wearing it. By the time he opened the bathroom door, his headache was gone and so was Adam.

Sutan was sitting in the chair Adam had vacated when Tommy returned to the den for his backpack. “I told him to give you some space. He said you and Mike are welcome to use his place for the next week because he won’t be there. The sheets will all be clean for you and the fridge is stocked,” Sutan informed him.

Tommy quit digging through his pack and glanced up at him. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked. He wasn’t really sure if he wanted to stay at Adam’s. Right now, he wasn’t feeling very sure about anything.

“Oh, honey, no! You would be more comfortable sleeping in a bed than on my lumpy sofa, though,” he explained.

“I doubt that Mike would leave the house with all of our things there.” Tommy paused, thinking of how vulnerable he felt. “And I don’t know what I should do,” he added. _Fuck! Nothing happened! Why am I feeling so unsure of myself?_

“Tommy, my door is always open to you. I hope you know that. Now, how about I fix us some lunch, and then you can decide what you want to do? Or, in your case, breakfast. Does a burrito sound good to you?”

Tommy looked up at the clock on the wall and realized it was nearly one o'clock already. It felt like he hadn't slept at all last night. “That sounds great. Thanks.” He grabbed his clothes and headed back to the bathroom to change. Tommy felt better once he was dressed. He folded the bedding on the sofa and made the den look halfway normal again. Pulling at the sleeves of his hoodie, Tommy thought about going over to Adam’s. The house would be empty and no one would be hovering over him, making sure he was alright. He didn’t have enough clothes with him to stay here, anyway. Tommy pulled his phone out and realized it was dead. _Fuck! I left my charger at the house!_

He joined Sutan in the kitchen just as he set their lunch on the table. They were quiet as they started eating, but Tommy’s thoughts kept coming up with more things he needed. He looked up from his food and found Sutan watching him. It didn’t help to know that Sutan watched him so closely “I’m gonna have to get some things from the house. My phone’s dead and all my numbers are in it, so I can’t call Mike to ask him to get them for me. Any ideas of how I can get hold of Mike?” Tommy asked, hoping Sutan would have more ideas than he had.

“He called Adam this morning, so his number would be in Adam’s phone,” Sutan suggested. “But you better call him soon, because Adam will be leaving before long.”

“Where’s he going?” Tommy asked.

“He won that trip, remember? He leaves today for Bora Bora, even though I had to talk him out of canceling,” Sutan explained.

_Yeah, that’s right. He’s taking his new boyfriend_. “Can I use your phone?”

Sutan pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to him. Holding the phone in his hand, he wondered what he was going to say to Adam. The thought of talking to him seemed so difficult now, where it never had in the past. Tommy hit the phone icon, Adam’s name and waited for the rings to turn into his voice.

“Sutan. Is everything alright?” Adam said when he answered the phone.

“Um, it’s me, Adam. I, uh, my phone died, and I was hoping you could give me Mike’s number,” he explained. It had never been awkward between them before and Tommy hated this.

“Yeah, sure. Just a sec and I’ll get it for ya.” The phone went quiet while he looked. Adam found it quickly and Tommy wrote it down. “Could you stay at my place while I’m gone? It would be a huge favor to me. Mike can stay, too. I always feel better having someone here while I’m away,” he said.

_Then he didn’t make the offer just to give me a place to stay away from home_. He wasn’t sure if knowing that made him feel better or not. “Yeah, sure. I’ll house sit for ya. I’ll let Mike know.”

“Great! Thanks, Tommy! Now I can put my mind at ease. If you have any problems or need me… for anything… call me. I… Thanks.”

_Well, this went better than I thought it would._ “Anytime, Addy. You have a great time while you’re gone. You need a vaycay.”

“I… I’ll see you when I get back, then. Take care, Tommy.”

“You, too. Have fun!” Tommy hung up and noticed Sutan was done eating and waiting on him to finish. “I can’t eat any more. I’ll take care of the dishes for you.”

“That’s alright, hon. I’ll take care of these. You just relax and call Mike,” he suggested.

“I guess I’m going over Adam’s after all. I really appreciate you letting me stay here,” Tommy said. “I feel safe here and I don’t know what I would have done without you last night.”

“You know I love you. Now, go take care of business while I wash these dishes.” He paused and examined Tommy’s face. “You know, if you didn’t pack your razor, you are welcome to use mine.”

Tommy rubbed his finger below his lip. “I think I’m gonna let it grow out. It’s time for a change.”

“It’s a shame to hide a face as pretty as yours,” Sutan conveyed.

“Yeah… Pretty.” He continued to rub over the stubble, and knew that growing it out was the right thing to do.

Sutan put the plates down and faced him. “Honey. If that bastard blamed what happened on you, don’t you believe him! He’s a sick son-of-a-bitch and that’s the only reason he touched you!”

_Oh, fuck! I feel like I’ve just been slapped._ “I know. Please…”

“Look. I know you don’t want to think about this, let alone talk. But I have got to say this. I’ve had friends over the years that were abused. They needed counseling to get over it. If this starts eating you alive, please, seek professional help. Other than that, if you want to talk, I’ll always be here for you.” He brushed the back of his fingers over Tommy’s arm and then picked up the dishes and took them into the kitchen.

He watched Sutan walk away, almost like he had never said a word. But what he said now had a special place in Tommy’s brain in case he needed it. He walked into the den to call Mike. When he got off the phone, he sat on the sofa, stared out the windows and did his best to not think. Sutan came in, sat on the other end of the sofa and pulled the tray out from under it. He rolled up a joint, lit it, inhaling deeply and passed it over to Tommy.

Tommy hit it a couple times before passing it back and Sutan put it out when it was half gone. Then with heavy eyes, he grabbed one of the throw pillows from the corner of the sofa and stuck it under his head. The television was on quietly and in no time, Tommy fell into a dead sleep filled with blessed nothingness.


	4. Chapter 4

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Between the weed Sutan gave him and the booze Adam had stocked, Tommy stayed fucked up the whole time he was at Adam’s. By the time Adam returned, Mike had all of their things moved into the new place.

He would probably still be in that stupor if it weren’t for Monte asking him to play bass for him at his kick-starter shows. For all that Monte had done for him, Tommy certainly couldn’t refuse. Shortly after that, Isaac talked him into playing lead for Ravi Dhar and the Heartless. Tommy could get lost in the music when he played his guitars. It gave him back some of the self-confidence that he’d recently lost. The down side was he now felt uncomfortable being around people in general.

Adam threw a birthday party for himself and Tommy had a pretty good time while catching a buzz. The drinks were flowing freely and there was plenty of weed. There was a photo booth set up and Tommy had his picture taken with the others, wearing all the silly props. Everything was fine until Isaac forced a kiss on him in the booth. He knew he would have gone with it in the past, but he no longer wanted to be touched. Later, when he saw the picture online, he was shocked that Twitter didn’t explode over his obvious struggle to push Isaac away.

After that incident, Tommy was determined to quit looking pretty. He started by not shaving every day and wore his eyeliner heavier than usual. Then he added black shadow until his eyes looked like the empty sockets of a skull. Still, the girls on twitter called him pretty.

Things escalated the more Ravi grabbed him on stage, and Tommy began to have panic attacks. He was grateful that his fingers knew where they were supposed to be on his guitar so well because they camouflaged his anxiety.

The last straw came during a practice with Adam for a show in Canada. They had their eyes locked when Adam slid his hand to the side of his neck and leaned into him. Tommy tensed and pulled away enough that Adam dropped his hand, turned and walked away as he sang. Thank fuck the others didn’t notice. After practice, he caught Adam staring at him with a worried expression on his face, and Sutan’s words returned to him about seeking professional help.

That evening he looked online for psychologists in the area, and decided to try Dr. Debbie Greenburg, thinking it would easier to talk to a woman about his problems. She squeezed him in to see her the next day. Tommy wasn’t sure what to expect, but he hoped she would give him some good drugs.

A few minutes before his appointment, Tommy parked his car and looked up at three-story, red brick building. He had a fleeting thought that it was pretty much a typical sight for Southern California. Tommy double checked the address and then entered the building.

He filled out all the necessary papers, and then paced back and forth in the waiting room. _Maybe this is a stupid idea coming here. I should be able to handle that little incident by myself. Nothing fucking happened! Fuck_.

“You must be Tommy. Hi! I’m Debbie Greenburg. Would you like to join me in my office?”

She raised her hand toward the room she had just exited. He nodded and followed her. Her office wasn’t at all what Tommy expected. There were two comfortable looking armchairs, a sofa, beanbag chairs and large pillows on the floor. There was a coffee table with a plant on it and more plants around the room. One wall had a tapestry on it and pictures hung on the others, not to mention a large window with a great view of the traffic below. After walking around the room, Tommy turned away from the window and sat in one of the chairs.

“Would you like something to drink? I have coffee, soda and water,” she offered.

“No, thank you,” Tommy replied while shaking his head.

“So what brings you here to see me, Tommy?” she inquired as she sat in the other chair.

The rest of the appointment was mostly a blur, where he tried to avoid uncomfortable subjects and make small talk instead. Before he left, she told him that he deserved to be treated well, by others and himself. That was the only thing that really stuck in his mind from the whole hour. She didn’t give him a script when she set up his appointment for the following week, so all around, he was pretty disappointed.

Between practices and playing bass with Monte, practices and playing guitar for Ravi, and seeing Debbie, Tommy found it difficult to fit everything into his schedule. He would much rather spend his days lying around and getting high. It felt like there was a gaping hole in his gut that was sucking the life right out of him.

Debbie’s words of treating himself good kept popping into his mind. When he found himself waiting at a light in front of a Harley-Davidson dealership in Glendale, he pulled in on a spur of the moment, just to look around. There was this beautiful, shiny blue Harley that just called to him.

He had always wanted a Harley, and as he sat in the oh-so-comfortable saddle, he ran his hands over the smooth body and soft leather of the seat. Even though he probably looked like a small kid compared to this huge hog, when the salesman approached him, it was an easy sell.

Tommy knew he really shouldn’t buy it right now with all the bills he had, but what better way to pamper himself? After signing all the papers, Tommy drove home in his car and talked Mike into bringing him back to pick up his hog.

* * *

Tommy loved his new motorcycle and rode it every chance he got. It felt so freeing to have the wind blow through his hair. When he rode, his mind was void of the nightmares that followed him lately; that benefit alone made the monthly payments worth it.

When he saw Debbie at their next appointment, Tommy told her about his new Harley as a way to treat himself well. They talked about his money headaches and self-defeating actions for a bit and then Tommy shared his ability to clear his mind while riding. She then wanted to know why a blank mind was so important. The rest of the meeting was filled with a roller coaster of emotions as Tommy tried to share. He found himself with tears in his eyes at one point, and yelling at another. By the time they left her office to set up his next appointment, he felt physically and mentally drained.

He continued to see her and the more he opened up, the more his feelings flew all over the place. Sometimes he wanted to cry, sometimes he laughed and other times he was yelling. Then there were those rare times that Tommy was calm and composed.

They got to a point where they talked about boundaries, and how Tommy needed to set some. They also talked about his discomfort around people now. She gave him little things to do, like touching someone’s arm when he talked to them and calling a friend every day to talk. She called these things baby steps, but he found them too uncomfortable to try.

It was almost two months before he found the courage to ask Ravi and Isaac to stop grabbing him. It went remarkably well, with no hard feelings from them. Tommy felt so much relief in knowing that he could keep his friends _and_ have boundaries. He didn’t think that was really possible.

With Debbie’s help, Tommy came to understand the amount of power he’d given Dave over his life, even though Dave wasn’t around him anymore. Slowly, he realized he hadn’t been physically close to anyone since the hug he gave Sutan that night. The bigger shock was when he realized that, other than to take a piss, he hadn’t touched himself since that night, either. He was tired of feeling numb and distant, and he wanted his life back.

His mind wandered back to Adam, and the relationship he had hoped to have with him. Tommy rarely talked to him anymore, and was disappointed in the lost opportunities.

Debbie knew he wanted to change his life, and she helped him to make a plan to do so. She stressed the importance of taking it slowly, but Tommy wanted his life back now.

* * *

Tommy had a few days to himself, and with the thought of taking control of his life again, he drove over to Sutan’s unannounced.

“Tommy! What a surprise! Come on in!” Sutan exclaimed as he opened the door.

“I hope I’m not bothering you,” Tommy expressed, feeling very nervous now.

“No, honey! My door is always open to you. What’s up?”

He followed Sutan into the kitchen where he poured them both a glass of lemonade. When his friend handed the drink to him, Tommy set it down and worked up his courage. He stepped closer to Sutan, reached for his face and tilted it down to meet his. Tommy kissed him, chastely at first and then his tongue found its way inside the taller man’s mouth. Tommy grabbed onto his thin waist for balance as he felt arms wrap around him. The kiss was nice and Sutan allowed him to dominate it. When this man he felt so safe with pulled back, he gazed into Tommy’s eyes.

“Wow!” Sutan said in a breathy voice. “What was that for?”

Tommy took a step back and hesitated as he searched for the words to answer him. “I’ve lost so much in the last couple months, and my self-confidence was one of the biggest things. I’ve allowed fear to rule my life for too long. I’ve been too afraid to even kiss anyone, let alone be intimate. I thought if I could kiss someone I trusted it would help.”

Sutan leaned back against the counter and studied him as he took a sip of his drink. “I appreciate that you trust me. But can I ask why you didn’t go to someone that you have more feelings for than just trust?” he asked.

_Fuck! I should have known Sutan wouldn’t just kiss me without picking it apart._ “The person that I have feelings for is in a relationship with someone else. You’re my life partner and I love you,” Tommy explained.

“Uh huh. And a girl wouldn’t do, even if she was less of a risk. It just wouldn’t be the same, would it? All because the person you’re interested in isn’t a girl. So you came to me. A man. You have got to quit believing all the shit you see online, Tommy! For you to be pining over Adam this long doesn’t have the makings of curiosity. Go get the kiss you really want! I am not going to allow you to just settle for me.” Sutan picked up his lemonade and put it back in the fridge while Tommy stood there with his mouth open.

The scary part was he knew Sutan was right. Sutan leaned in and kissed him on the temple and then pushed him out of the kitchen toward the front door. “Let me know how it goes, honey,” Sutan told him as he opened the door to show Tommy out. “And don’t take no for an answer!”

“But… I don’t know what to do,” Tommy moaned.

“Do exactly what you did here and you’ll be fine. Now, go get him, Tommy!”

“But… What if he’s not alone?”

“If you don’t assert yourself, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. He loves you. You love him. Go get him!”

_He loves me? Well, yeah, but surely not the way I love him._ He was sure he had a dumbfounded look on his face, because he just couldn’t understand how Sutan could mean that Adam loved him. Sutan put his hands on his hips and glared at Tommy. “I’m tired of you boys depriving yourselves of each other. You have the power to make things right between the two of you, so do it!”

Tommy fumbled for the handle on his car door . When he put it in gear to back up, Sutan waved and walked back into his house, leaving him all alone with the scariest task of his life before him.

* * *

When he pulled up in front of Adam’s, he was even more nervous than when he went to Sutan’s. He had replayed Sutan’s words over and over in his head on the way here. There was no way Adam loved him the way Sutan implied, but he guessed it was time to go on blind faith and do as Sutan had suggested.

Tommy got out of the car, rang Adam’s doorbell and waited. _Maybe I should have called him first, since I don’t even know if he’s home. What if he is, but he’s not alone? What if his arm candy is here?_ He retreated a step and decided to leave when he heard the click of the lock and saw the door open. Adam stood in the doorway wearing a pair of low riding sweat pants and an old Queen tee that was short enough to show a bit of skin. His face was clear of make-up and his hair was hanging down. He looked absolutely beautiful.

“Hey, Tommy. Uh, come on in,” he said with a smile, and then turned to walk back in the house.

He followed Adam into the living room and watched as he sank into one of the easy chairs. He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. Tommy looked at the sofa and thought of how easy it might have been to initiate a kiss there, or even at the doorway, if Adam had stood still long enough to get close to him.

“Hey, man. Did I come at a bad time?” Tommy asked as he tried to figure out what he should do from there.

“No, not at all, you’re always welcome here. Have a seat,” Adam said. “So, what’s up, anyway?”

No, Tommy didn’t want to sit. In fact, right now, he was thinking that this was a bad idea. Tommy walked over to the gold record on the wall as he tried to figure out what to say to Adam. His courage dwindled and finally, he turned back to Adam and then glanced at the door. “Look, I didn’t mean to bother you. I really ought to go,” he uttered and headed back the way he came in.

He reached for the handle just as Adam’s hand shot out to hold the door shut. Tommy hadn’t heard Adam following him. “Please don’t go,” he pled.

Tommy turned around to face him and Adam quickly pulled his hand back, giving Tommy more space. But today Tommy wasn’t looking for space. He quickly stepped up to Adam and locked their lips together before he lost his nerve again. He wrapped the fingers of one hand through Adam’s locks and the other around his back to pull him closer. Adam… accepted and returned his kiss, but never added to it or even put his arms around him. Tommy licked his bottom lip and Adam allowed him entrance to his mouth, but there was no passion coming from him. This wasn’t the kiss Tommy was hoping for.

He pulled back and reproached himself for ever believing it possible that Adam could think of him as anything more than a friend. He dropped his hand away from Adam’s back, lowered the one from his hair down to his chest, and stared a hole into Adam’s heart. His disappointment was almost enough to unman him, and he wanted out of there before that happened. He pulled back into himself to find the strength to smile and leave. Before he got the chance to make his escape, Adam placed a finger under Tommy’s chin and lifted his face toward him. Tommy stared at Adam’s mouth, not wanting to see the pity that he knew would be in Adam’s eyes.

“Tommy? What’s going on? Talk to me, please,” Adam begged.

More than anything, Tommy wanted out of there right now. He had embarrassed himself enough for one day. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I gotta go.”

He turned around and reached for the doorknob again. “Please don’t run from me! I didn’t touch you, isn’t that enough proof I won’t hurt you? What do you want, Tommy? I can’t read your mind.”

“I want my life back,” he yelled at the door in frustration. That was all it took for the dam to burst and words to flow. “I want all the things that I’ve been missing out on the last few months! I want to be able to have a relationship with someone I love! I want to be able to hold and kiss and maybe someday make love to that someone. And now that I’m more than ready to take my life back, it still doesn’t work.”

He leaned his head against the door and lowered his voice. “First I go to Sutan because he’s safe and he sends me to you. You pity me and don’t even want to touch me. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know if you even want me in your band, as fucked up as I am in my head. Now I’ve made a big enough fool of myself and I’d like to leave.”

He turned the handle and pulled open the door, just to have Adam push it shut again. He took Tommy’s arm, turned him and wrapped him in his embrace. Secure in Adam’s arms, he laid his head on Adam’s chest. Tommy didn’t care if this was a pity hug or not, it felt so good to be wrapped in Adam’s arms and his scent.

Adam’s cheek was resting on his head and he asked, “Sutan sent you to me?”

_Of all the shit I said to him, that’s all he heard? What the fuck?_ “Yeah,” was all Tommy said in response.

Adam raised his cheek off Tommy and nudged his head up with his chin. Tommy looked up into Adam’s eyes, but he didn’t see the pity he expected there, and was afraid to guess what he did see. Adam leaned down and kissed him, and then he deepened it. This was the kiss Tommy had longed for. Adam had control of it and took possession of Tommy with it. It felt like he had been sleepwalking for months, and now he was finally waking up.

Tommy wrapped his arms around Adam’s back and held onto him with everything he had. The kiss went on and on until they were both breathless. Adam pulled back and stared him in the eye, and Tommy swore that what he saw there was love. _Is it possible?_

“I’d like to take this back to the sofa if it’s all right with you. You’re safe with me, Tommy,” Adam assured him.

Tommy only knew that he felt alive for the first time in too long. He nodded and Adam maneuvered them back to the living room. The blue eyed man then pulled him into another breathless kiss and somehow, Adam ended up straddling him on the couch. Tommy wasn’t sure how they got there, but they made out like teenagers in the backseat of a car and it was the hottest kissing session Tommy had ever had.

Adam’s kisses tasted as sweet as he remembered and were even more arousing. This was the first interest Tommy’s dick had shown in anything for a long time. The dark haired beauty didn’t pull back when they got too breathless; he sucked on Tommy’s neck and bit at his earrings. Tommy found himself grinding into Adam. They both pushed and rubbed to find the friction to make it perfect. And just like when he was a teenager, Tommy was ready to come.

He grabbed Adam’s hips and pushed him away. “Stop,” he begged.

Adam rose up and put a little space between them. He gave Tommy a confused look and Tommy felt compelled to spell it out. “I really don’t want to cum in my pants and then have to drive home. We need to stop, please.”

“Let me take care of you.” Adam licked his upper lip and somehow, Tommy found himself even harder as he stared at Adam’s mouth. “I’ll make it good for you. Then you won’t have any reason to leave right away.” Adam licked his lips again and leaned in to kiss him. Then Adam sucked on his tongue and Tommy was positive that Adam really was offering him a blowjob.

He was ready to cum just thinking about it. “Okay,” Tommy gasped when Adam broke the kiss.

Still above him, Adam held himself up on his elbows. “I’ll make this so good for you, baby.” Tommy couldn’t take his eyes off Adam as he scooted down between his legs. Adam unbuckled Tommy’s belt and he picked his hips up so Adam could pull it out of the loops. Adam popped the button, unzipped his jeans and pulled his underwear out of his way.

Tommy watched as Adam teasingly ran the tip of his nose up his shaft. The feel of warm skin touching his dick felt so new, so good, that he couldn’t stop the sounds that escaped his mouth. Adam raised his eyes. They locked with Tommy’s as he swiped up his dick with the flat of his tongue. When he got to the end, he lapped at the drop of cum that beaded there before he delved into the slit seeking more. Tommy’s dick was so sensitive, he sought something to grasp onto, anything, just to ground himself. He whimpered and held onto the cushions of the sofa like they were the only things that would save him.

Adam grasped his dick firmly at the base and wrapped his lips snugly around the tip. He twirled his tongue around and over the head until Tommy wanted to scream out loud. Their eyes were still locked when Adam began to suck his way down his shaft. He closed his eyes and slammed his head back into the cushion and moaned out in his desire and need.

His hips bucked of their own accord as he white knuckled the sofa. Words and sounds escaped his lips to blend into the sucking noises that Adam made. They created a song of lust and porn that only added to the sensations he felt.

Tommy held off his climax as long as he could because what Adam was doing felt so fucking good. All too quickly, the pressure built in the base of his spine and he yelled out as he came so gloriously hard and long that he saw white. Adam continued to milk him with his mouth and every time he swallowed, it seems to extend Tommy’s orgasm.

When Adam pulled off him, Tommy could feel him staring at him. He lifted his head and cracked open his eyes to give Adam a smile. “Fuck! That was awesome!” he told Adam. Tommy reached out to him and pulled him up to kiss him soundly. He could taste himself in Adam’s mouth and knew Adam had to be aching hard by now. “I want to take care of you,” Tommy proclaimed.

“Uh, maybe another time. I’m good,” Adam responded.

Another time? Tommy wanted to make take care of him the way he had been! “What’s wrong with this time?” Tommy asked, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.

“Tommy, I’ve wanted to do that ever since I met you. Listening to all of those sexy sounds you made while you squirmed under me was so hot, that when you came, so did I. All I need now is to clean up and change my clothes. I feel like a teenager again,” he explained quietly with a quirky smile.

Tommy reached down to touch the wet spot in Adam’s pants and the ire he was beginning to feel just melted away; warm contentment filled its place. Adam smiled at him with a face more open and happy than Tommy had ever seen before. It was almost like Adam tore down a wall between them that Tommy didn’t even know existed.


	5. Chapter 5

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Tommy continued to see his shrink every week. He was learning a lot about himself with Debbie’s help. One of the things that he was now sure of was that he wanted to go to the next level with Adam.

Adam and Tommy got together when they could and even though they both had busy schedules, they texted and called each other daily. When they did manage to get together, they almost always ended up on his sofa, kissing, but they had yet to get naked together.

Then one Saturday in August, all the stars fell into alignment when Adam asked him out to dinner and a movie at his place afterward. They met at the Palm Restaurant downtown, since it was one of their favorites and would be more or less on the way to Adam’s place for both of them. Adam was going there directly from a radio interview in Santa Monica. They were both free the following day, but Monday morning Adam was scheduled to leave for New York. Tommy put some clean clothes in his saddlebags and hoped for a night of romance and fun.

He pulled up in front of the restaurant just as Adam got there and parked his Harley on the sidewalk by Adam’s car. When Adam got out of his car looking like sex personified, food went way down on Tommy’s list of priorities and he looked forward to dinner being over.

The restaurant had a delightful ambiance with white tablecloths and candles on all the tables. Adam requested a table in the far corner for some privacy.

Tommy couldn’t take his eyes off Adam; he looked good enough to eat. His hair was perfectly styled, brushed up high and back. The thought of tangling his fingers in Adam’s locks to pull him down for a kiss was compelling. He looked beautiful, and yet Tommy would love to crack that fine armor he wore and smear his painstakingly applied make-up. He wanted to see Adam as needy and wanton as the beautiful man made him. That was the dessert he was looking forward to, and Tommy hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed.

They were pleasantly full when they finished their meals and he followed Adam to his place. Before long, the sexy man was above him on his sofa and they were making out. Adam’s warm skin felt so good under his hands and the sounds his lover made when Tommy ran his rough fingertips over his nipples went right to Tommy’s dick.

Adam’s lips claimed his and Tommy ground his quickly swelling erection into the hard cock above his for the sweet, sweet friction they both craved. Tommy moaned out in pleasure, wanting more, so much more.

The raven haired man rose up on his knees and pulled his sweater over his head. His swollen lips hung open; his eyes were dark with lust, and already his flawless makeup was smeared. Perfect eyelashes fanned out over his cheeks when he blinked, and Tommy burned with desire when blue eyes locked on his.

Adam grabbed the bottom of Tommy’s sweater and pushed it up with his soft fingers. No calluses scratched his skin; he desired Adam’s smooth, alluring touch all over. “Take it off,” Adam murmured.

Tommy rose and helped him pull his sweater off, and then Adam covered him with the heat of his body. Wrapping his arms around the man above him, his blunt fingernails dug into his back when they ground their dicks together again. Lips and teeth crashed and their tongues explored each others mouths with a passion. Adam’s hand tangled in his hair while the other held most of his weight off Tommy. Soon there was sweat where their skin met and it pooled and ran down his sides. Pulling back, Adam popped the buttons on their jeans, but Tommy knew that his lover had no plans for them to shed the rest of their clothes. This time would be like the rest. Their pants would only get lowered far enough for Adam to grasp both of their dicks in his hand.

Adam had been so careful with him, too careful. Tommy had waited long enough! He wanted more! He was tired of being so sheltered! He loved that Adam had been so patient and taken things slow, but he wanted to feel! He wanted a real sex life! He wanted his life back!

“Wait,” he told Adam. The look in his eyes changed; there was a hint of fear in them, now.

“I’m sorry. I thought…” he started to say.

Tommy reached out and ran his fingers over full, freckled lips to stop his words. “I think we would be more comfortable in your bed,” Tommy explained.

“I, uh, don’t like street clothes in my bed. That’s why we’ve stayed down here. I thought if we were dressed, you’d know you could trust me.”

“I do trust you, Adam. Can we take this to your room?”

With the way Adam searched his face, he could only guess he was looking for fear or reservations. Slowly, the beautiful man stood and reached a hand out to help him up. Freckled lips bent down to his and they stood there making out until they were breathless again. When they broke the kiss, the man of his dreams backed toward the stairs, pulling Tommy after him. Adam kissed him again, and then grabbed Tommy’s hand and turned. They ascended the stair case side by side.

Tommy had been in Adam's huge and airy bedroom only a couple times in the past, but never in his bed. He loved this room. One wall was all glass, with large doors that opened to the huge deck that ran around half of his house. There was a king size bed angled in the corner, and the possibilities were endless.

Adam pulled the covers back and turned to face Tommy. Larger fingers found the zipper on his pants as Tommy turned his face up to kiss him. In no time their jeans were off and they were entwining limbs in Adam’s luxurious bed.

Tommy couldn't get enough as the larger man kissed and nibbled on Tommy’s ears and neck. He moaned and panted out his desire for more, and Adam slowly kissed a path down his neck to his chest. His teeth latched onto one of Tommy’s nipples and he sucked and nipped, first one, then the other. Tommy squirmed and writhed under his lover's sinful mouth, so intense, so good. When he finally trailed away, his nipples were hard and aching, just like his dick.

Adam licked a path lower until he was lapping under the band of Tommy’s underwear. Back and forth his tongue flicked as he slowly worked the band down. Tommy bucked up when his tongue slid over the tip of his dick, and gasped at that tantalizing touch of moist warmth. Slowly, so fucking slowly, the dark haired man pushed further into his underwear and his tongue dipped into the slit of Tommy’s dick. Moaning, Tommy grasped Adam’s hair to direct him lower still. He wrapped his lips around the crown of Tommy’s dick and twirled his tongue around and around it.

Tommy writhed under Adam and his sinful mouth as he worked him into a frenzy. This very experienced lover had him a complete wreck and ready to come in no time. “Stop,” Tommy begged. The worried expression on Adam’s face warmed Tommy’s heart with so much love. “I don’t want to come this way,” he panted out in explanation.

The worry was gone from his loved one’s face. Tommy lifted his hips as Adam pulled his underwear down to fondle his boys, and kissed his way down to the base of Tommy’s dick. Adam’s eyes held Tommy’s as his tongue traveled all the way up the shaft to the slit at the top. “How do you want to come?” Adam asked, while his lips teased Tommy’s dick with every word he said.

Tommy watched the enticing man’s mouth and tongue slide over his dick, so wet and hot, as he continued to tease him. The seduction of his tongue as it flicked its way around him, and the way his mouth vibrated when he moaned, captured Tommy’s full attention.

Adam lifted himself up away from Tommy’s dick, and rested on his elbows as he gazed into Tommy’s eyes. Tommy found it hard to hold onto his resolve and say no to this sexy man sucking him off, but he knew Adam wanted more than just this in his relationships. Tommy wanted to be everything for Adam, in every way. He wanted this thing they had together to be solid and lasting. “I want you inside me,” he whispered.

Adam’s eyes dilated with those words and a flash of emotions flew over his face too quickly to read. He nipped and licked his way down the inside of one of Tommy’s thigh’s to his knee, licked his way back up the other, and then sucked a mark on Tommy’s hipbone. Tommy squirmed and fisted the sheets under his hands; his mind was filled with the sensations that sparked through his body and went to his cock.

His companion rose up on his knees and slid his underwear down. Tommy knew Adam was watching him, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the larger man’s bulge as he uncovered it, and Tommy lifted up onto his elbows for a better view of the show. Once it sprang free, Tommy reached out to grasp it and pulled Adam to him where he could taste it and make-love to it the way this beautiful man had done to him.

Tommy slid the flat of his tongue up the large shaft to the pearly bead of sex sitting at the tip. He licked it off and swirled his tongue all around the head, tasting the heady flavor that was Adam. With his lips wrapped tightly around his lover’s dick, he sucked his way down. Adam groaned, and Tommy knew he was struggling to hold himself still. The careful man in front of him began to shake with effort to not shove himself down Tommy’s throat, and Tommy moaned long and deep around his dick just to make it more difficult.

“If you want me to make love to you, you better quit that now,” he warned with a rough voice.

His dark haired lover pushed him down on his back, lowered himself over Tommy and kissed him deeply. Tommy’s hands roamed over the larger man’s back and the round orbs of his ass; their cocks were locked between them. When Adam broke the kiss and raised enough to look at him, Tommy could see his own desire reflected in Adam’s eyes.

Adam got to his knees to pull lube and condoms out of the nightstand and put them within reach on the bed. Tommy expected him to open the lube and get him ready, but instead his soft hands slid down Tommy’s legs and grasped below the knee. They were pushed up against his chest and his lover’s weight held them there as they kissed.

Their dicks teased each other as they rutted in this position until the beautiful man above him shifted his hips, and his dick slid down to rub against Tommy’s balls and slide past his crack. Adam broke the kiss and rose to watch him again as he pivoted his hips, riding his dick up and down Tommy’s crack. He changed his angle, and when the warm head of his cock rested against his hole, Tommy froze.

He found himself trapped in a memory that became more real than life. _Hands were tight on his legs, holding them back; much like the position they were in now. The warm feel of skin rubbed against his hole, and then pain. Sharp, intense pain. He screamed out for his mama to save him from this, as the boy above him pushed himself inside, over and over. When he stopped, the older boy threatened him with how Tommy would be taken from his mama if he ever told her. That no one would believe him, and to just forget it ever happened._ It was a memory Tommy had stuffed so far away, that he was shocked to find it after all these years.

“I was raped,” Tommy whispered more to himself than to Adam.

Adam pulled himself up and off him before Tommy realized what was going on around him again. He felt overwhelmed with the realization that he was raped, and able to forget it for so long. Blood was rushing past his ears and Tommy felt disoriented when he looked up at Adam.

He tried to reach out to Adam as he sat up, but nothing was working quite right. Adam looked as confused as Tommy felt when the larger man grabbed Tommy’s hand in his. “I thought he only tried,” he said quietly.

“Not Dave. When I was little. He told me not to tell anyone or . . .”

“When did you see Debbie again?”

“Monday. God, I wonder if that’s why I’ve had such a hard time since that night with Dave.”

Adam started to pull away from him. “Hey! Where you going?” Tommy asked.

“I’ll get us both some sleep pants.”

Tommy looked down and saw that he was limp as a cooked noodle, and Adam was softening quickly. “I hate giving this memory any more power than it already has,” Tommy stated quietly.

“I know, honey. But you need to work this out with Debbie. I don’t want to do the wrong thing and have you hate me because of it.” His tall lover went to the closet and returned wearing sleep pants, and had another pair for him.

Tommy slid them on and Adam climbed into bed. “Hold me,” Tommy begged. Adam surrounded him in his scent and strength, and Tommy found security in his arms even though his mind was filled with turmoil.

He thought of how he’d hoped tonight would end. Adam had been so patient with him, never pushing, but how long would it last before the beautiful man looked for someone who could fulfill his needs. Tommy wanted to be that someone.

Even wrapped in Adam’s arms, it was a long time before sleep found him. When it did, it was filled with nightmares that woke him often throughout the night.

* * *

Tommy woke earlier than usual with thoughts of last night filling his head. He quietly dressed and went downstairs to make a pot of coffee where he tried to sift through both the memory and the fact that they hadn’t had intercourse. Adam’s cell phone rang and Tommy saw it sitting on the end table in the living room. He picked it up to see who it was and whether or not he should answer it. When he saw Sauli’s name, everything inside him turned to ice. He may have avoided talking to Adam about him in the past, but now, he really need to know if there’s something between the two of them. He slid the answer spot to the right and said, “Hello?”

“Adam?” Sauli answered.

“Uh, no. It’s Tommy,” he responded.

“Hi, Tommy! I want to speak with Adam,” he said.

“He’s indisposed. Can I take a message?” Tommy asked, doing his best to keep his voice calm and friendly.

“Yes. You say to him my plane is early? I am getting on the plane now. I am waiting for him in New York.”

The brick in his stomach got caught in his throat when he heard those words. Adam’s not going to New York just for interviews; he’s going to meet Sauli there. _How could I have been so fucking stupid? No wonder Adam’s been patient with me! I’m just convenient and available!_

He felt like he was going to be sick. Then he heard “Tommy?” coming from the phone at his ear.

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll let him know,” Tommy replied.

“Thanks, Tommy! You are so much help,” Sauli said to him. _How could he be so friendly to me? Does he know that Adam and I had been fooling around? Obviously, that’s all we’re ever going to do. Friends with benefits or some shit like that. Fuck!_

“Sure. No problem,” Tommy told him and then shut the phone off.

He sat in a daze and wondered whether or not he could give that message to Adam. Tommy thought about the awkward conversation that would ensue when Adam explained that he loved Sauli, and that he thought Tommy and him were just friends. He didn’t want that kind of oddness between them again. _Fuck! That only leaves one other option_.

Tommy got up and quietly left. He turned off his phone before he got on his bike. The last thing he wanted was to explain why he left or where he was going. He didn’t want to talk to anybody or hear their pity when they found out just how broken he was.

He rode home, his mind on anything but the traffic. After one near miss, he put his focus back where it belonged till he parked his bike and went inside. Mike was at work, so Tommy had the house to himself. He grabbed his backpack and threw a pair of underwear and a t-shirt in it. Then he raided the cupboards and found a bottle of Jack to take. He padded into the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste and saw Mike’s sleeping pills, and grabbed them, too. If he ever needed some good sleep, it was now. He took another quick look around the place and saw nothing that he would need until after Adam left. _Adam. Fuck_.

Tommy grabbed his pack and trudged out to his car. He had been doing so much better the last couple weeks, and now he felt worse than ever before. Maybe Debbie was right when she asked him if he was putting too much of himself and his wellness into this thing with Adam.

He got on I-5 and drove south with no thought of a destination other than leaving Adam behind. It was amazing that for trying to leave him behind, he couldn’t quit thinking about him. Tommy was only a few miles from the Mexican border when he finally exited. He turned onto Palm Avenue and got a room at the Super 8 and paid cash for one night, knowing that Adam would be gone tomorrow morning. The room was drab and had a slight odor, but he wasn’t looking for fancy, just privacy.

He filled the ice bucket and poured himself a Jack on the rocks in the plastic hotel glass. Then he stripped down to his underwear and made himself comfortable in bed while he surfed the channels looking for something to watch. His thoughts kept shifting back and forth between being raped as a child and beating himself up for having been so delusional concerning Adam.

 _How could I believe Adam would want me? We can’t even have sex without me freaking out!_ Tommy felt so broken and useless. He reached over to the sleeping pills and took a couple of them with half a glass of Jack. When he finished what was in his glass, he poured himself some more. It wasn’t too long after that when he finally lay down and fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

“Tommy?” Adam asked as he entered the kitchen. Coffee was made, but Tommy was nowhere to be found. He’d looked through the whole house now. Heading for the front door, he looked out to see an empty driveway. _What the…?_ He returned to the kitchen to call Tommy and find out why he left. He taped the call list and noticed the last call was from Sauli, _Sauli?_ and it showed as an answered call. _Odd. I haven’t talked to him in a week_. On a whim, he returned the call to Sauli only to have it go directly to voice mail.

Adam went down the list and tapped the phone icon beside Tommy’s name only for it to go directly to voice mail also. _What the hell? Tommy never shuts his phone off_.

Adam began to pace as his worry built. _Did Tommy talk to Sauli?_ There was no way Sauli could have said anything to upset Tommy. Sauli and Adam had tried to start a relationship last winter, but decided nothing would ever come of it. They were good friends and had a lot in common, but the chemistry just didn’t work for them. Tommy had never seemed concerned about Sauli, so he’d never thought to share that information with him.

Adam went down the list again and hit the phone icon beside Sutan’s name. “Hey, Adam!” Sutan said when he answered the phone.

“Sutan, is Tommy over there?” Adam asked; the worry in his voice was obvious.

“No. Should he be? What happened?” Sutan asked in return.

With Tommy not at Sutan’s, Adam’s worry grew. “I don’t know. I thought everything was going great, but when I got out of bed this morning, he was gone. I don’t know where he went or why. I can’t reach him. He has his phone shut off or something. I don’t know what to do. I thought things were progressing so well, too.”

“Slow down! Tell me everything. Were the two of you fighting?” Sutan asked.

“No. He spent the night last night. We tried to take things further than we have in the past. The fact that he even wanted to, gave me so much hope. I thought he was finally getting over what Dave did, but then he had a memory of being raped as a child. Now he’s gone.”

“Christ on a cracker!” Sutan exclaimed.

“Other than him being gone, the only thing I’ve noticed that seemed odd was when I tried calling Tommy. I think he answered my phone when Sauli called. Now I can’t get a hold of either of them,” Adam explained.

“Have you and Tommy ever talked about Sauli?”

“No, there didn’t seem to be a need for it. Tommy knows that Sauli and I are only friends,” Adam explained.

Sutan let out a huff. “How would he know you were only friends if you’ve never told him? He was worried you wouldn’t be alone that day I sent him over to you. Does that sound like someone who knows that you aren’t in a relationship? I thought you would have explained everything to Tommy by now,” Sutan told him, his frustration obvious.

“Well, Sauli wouldn’t have said anything to give the impression we’re together, so it still doesn’t make sense!”

“No, it doesn’t. Have you called anybody else?” Sutan asked.

“No, I thought you would be my best bet. He went to you before when he ran from here,” Adam replied as he thought of other places Tommy might be. “I’ll keep calling around to see if I can find him. Let me know if he calls you. Please.”

“He’ll turn up, Adam. If the two of you weren’t fighting or anything, perhaps something came up. Call his mom. Maybe he’s over there.”

“You’re probably right. Thanks.”

They hung up, and Adam made that call to Tommy’s mother, Dia. Then he tried Monte, Mike, Isaac and Immerman, all to no avail. Adam then tried Tommy again, only to get his voice mail. He left another message and tossed his phone on the sofa in frustration. He paced his living room several times, thinking of where Tommy might be. Grabbing his keys and phone, he jumped in his car.

He drove to Tommy’s and noticed that his car was gone. Then he got out of his Mustang and looked around the place, finding Tommy’s Harley on the back porch. That was what he'd taken to Adam’s yesterday. He knocked on the door, just in case Mike or someone borrowed Tommy’s car, but he got no answer, and the house was quiet.

Adam went back to his car and checked his calls to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. _Where are you??_ He drove back home with a hole inside him where his heart used to be. He had been so sure his heart would be safe in Tommy’s hands.

He thought about calling Lane to cancel the interviews and shows that were scheduled in New York, but if Tommy didn’t want to talk to him, what could he do? Then there was also the fact that he was supposed to pick Sauli up from the airport. _Sauli._ He needed to find out why Sauli called, and if he talked to Tommy.


	6. Chapter 6

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Tommy woke up confused and wondered where he was. Vaguely, he remembered taking more sleeping pills in the night. Then things started coming back to him; the memory that screwed up his night with Adam, the phone call from Sauli, and why he was here. Checking the clock, he knew he had to leave soon or get charged for another night. After a quick shower, he turned on his phone and found 14 messages waiting.

As he pulled out of the hotel parking lot, Tommy noticed a Mexican restaurant down the street and realized he was hungry. He ordered a burrito and slathered on the hot sauce for his breakfast. When he finished that, he returned to his empty house and did his best to forget about everything that was weighing him down. He spent the day feeling nostalgic. He drank wine, had a Nirvana marathon in his room by himself and played along on guitar. He was 13 again.

When he showed up for his appointment with Debbie, he must have really looked a mess by the way she watched him. Tommy paced around the room, too edgy to sit still.

“What’s going on with you, Tommy? You look very agitated today,” she commented.

After pacing the length of the room one more time, he stopped in front of the window with his back to the room. He took a deep breath and then started talking. At one point Debbie brought him a glass of water, but mostly she gave him space. Tommy told her about his need for Adam and how things had progressed until the rape memory ruined everything. He shared how the night ended, and the following morning when he realized Adam was still with Sauli. He shared how he ran and slept the day away until he knew Adam would be gone. Words tumbled from him until he felt too drained to say anything else. Finally, he walked away from the window and sat down.

She started out by validating his feelings, and assured him that he was okay. “I’ve wondered if you’d repressed a traumatic event in your life. Now that it is out in the open, that gives us a lot of insight. How do you think this repressed memory has affected your life?”

Tommy thought about that, and of all the times Debbie talked about fight or flight. “I’d have to say I tend to run instead of fighting for what I want or deserve. I’ve miss out on so much because of that.”

“Subconsciously, you may have felt that running was safer, and fighting for yourself could cause even more pain,” Debbie endorsed.

“Is that why I’m so close to my mother? I stuck pretty close to her after that.”

“What did you think?” she asked in return.

“I think my fear of being taken away from her kept me close. She’s probably the only person I’ve ever trusted, completely.” Tommy got up and began to pace around the room again. He was standing in front of the tapestry when he opened up to her again. “I just feel so confused. I thought I was getting my life back, and now it feels like my life has fallen to pieces. Nothing feels right now!”

Debbie rose and stood next to him. He felt so lost, and she was his only hope to finding himself again. Tommy looked into her eyes, seeking the answers.

She held her hand out toward the tapestry in front of them. It was of a forest with a stream going through it. Sunlight shone down through the leaves, leaving much of the beautiful scene lit up, and the rest shadowed. “Have you ever considered that life is like a tapestry? There are many threads, some dark and some bright, that blend and weave to make the whole picture. You’ve had a lot of dark and muted colors woven into your life. Facing your demons should bring light to the life and colors of your world, Tommy.”

She then went on to talk about his well-being, telling him it was time to accept himself for who and what he was.

“What do you mean? What am I?”

She seemed to look right through him with that knowing expression she wore so often. “You’re a survivor, Tommy. You survived something that was very traumatic. You were able to bury it so deep, you didn’t remember it until years later. You have been successful in most areas of your life, and now that this memory of yours has seen the light of day, I believe you will find success in the other areas of your life, too.”

“You mean relationships, don’t you? I’ve never been able to make them last.”

“Yes, among other things. Now you know that you don’t have to keep running. While it may have kept you safe, it has also taken much away from you. Confrontations may be uncomfortable, but they aren't all life threatening.”

Tommy groaned when she said that, and told her about all the messages on his phone. He asked her if she would listen to them with him, so he had some moral support. He was so grateful when she agreed.

He was pretty sure he didn’t want to hear them at all, but maybe it was time to quit running. Tommy pulled his phone out and turned it on as they returned to the comfortable chairs. He watched the device as the signal bars appeared and took a deep breath, hit the speaker and played the messages. The first three were Adam begging him to call. Then Monte invited him over, concerned because Adam couldn’t find him. Immerman wanted him to call, saying that he was worried about him and so was Adam. Adam left the next two messages, then his mother, more Adam, Sutan and even Mike. The last one was Adam. “I just landed safely. I wish you’d talk to me. Fuck!” There’s a pause then, “I thought my heart would be safe in your hands. I can’t make you talk to me, so I’ll quit calling and leave you alone. I don’t want to lose you like this. Please call me.”

When the recording offered options for what he wanted to do with the messages, tears were welling in his eyes. Debbie handed him a box of tissues and allowed him to compose himself.

“It sounds to me like you have many good friends who care about you.”

Tommy nodded his head in agreement. He did have many good friends, but his mind was focused on the last message. _He thought his heart was safe with me? What about Sauli?_ He closed his eyes and lean his head back. “Debbie. What should I do?”

“What did you think you should do?”

God, he hated it when she answered his questions with questions! “I don’t know. I should call them back, I suppose.” Tommy thought about the conversation he might have with Adam. “What if I’ve ruined everything? What if I’ve blown my one chance with him?”

Debbie watched him and paused before she replied. “It sounds like Adam is very hurt by the way you ran and shut him out of your life. Is it possible that he’s as invested in this relationship as you are?”

He thought about that possibility and his last message, and knew he had to call him.

* * *

As he left Debbie’s office, Tommy found he couldn’t postpone calling Adam any longer. He needed to apologize, and needed to learn the truth about him and Sauli. His words ‘I thought my heart would be safe in your hands’ filled him with hope, but also with fear that he just fucked up big time. He pulled his phone out and slid down against the building by his Harley. He took a breath to steady himself, and with shaky hands, called Adam.

“Tommy?” Adam answered his phone. His voice sounded strange, almost fearful. Tommy had never heard Adam sound afraid before.

“Adam, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that.”

“Tommy,” he said with relief in his voice. “Where are you?”

“I’m just sitting in the parking lot at Debbie’s office. I’m okay.”

“Thank Fuck! Mike called me. Tommy, he said his bottle of sleeping pills was gone.”

“Oh, shit! They must still be in my backpack. I forgot I had them,” he explained.

There was a short pause before Adam spoke again. “Were you planning on doing something stupid?

“Fuck, no! I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to escape for a while.”

“Why? And why did you leave like that? I thought things were good between us.”

“Sauli called you and I answered your phone. He said he was picking you up from the airport. And I thought… that you’d been so patient with me because I was just someone to fill your bed till you got to see him again. I couldn’t stand the thought of you explaining that to me. So I ran.”

“Oh my God, Tommy! Sauli and I aren’t together!”

“But… you were in Finland, then Paris. Then he came here…”

“Oh, honey! That’s when we decided a relationship wouldn’t work. Sauli and I are just friends.”

“But, you keep getting together. You took him on your trip to Bora Bora and to Disney Land…” he added, confused.

“Brad and I go places with each other even though we aren’t together, too. Sauli knows my feelings for you. We were spending so much time together because of how hard it was for me to have you so close, and so unavailable. And being seen with Sauli helped his career, so it benefited both of us.”

“But all the pictures on line of the two of you holding hands…”

“Do you mean like all the pictures of my tongue down your throat? Fan service, Tommy. Cameras were on us, we gave them something to twitter about.”

“But you’re together in New York right now.”

“We are both in New York. We’re even in the same hotel. But we’re not in the same room. He’s not the one who holds my heart, Tommy.”

 _Did he just say what I think he said? Does he have feelings for me?_ “Who does, then?” Tommy held his breath waiting for Adam’s answer.

“You do, Tommy. Jesus! I’ve been in love with you for so long now, but I thought you were straight. I was afraid to pursue you, because I’ve been burned before. But then Sutan sent you to me, and I knew he wouldn’t do that unless he was sure.”

“That’s why you rejected me? You thought I was only curious about the sex? That just about devastated me, and I had to act like nothing ever happened.” Tommy could hear the surprise in his own voice.

“That about devastated me, too,” Adam confessed.

They talked about so many things before they hung up. They shared their feelings for each other, and made plans to get together when Adam returned. They talked about his new record and the videos Tommy was going to be in, as well as their hopes and dreams. Adam warned him there would be pictures of him and Sauli, but not to worry, because he loved Tommy. They decided that for now, anyway, it would be better to keep the fans focus away from Tommy.

He returned home with a much lighter heart than when he left. Tommy emptied his backpack, careful to replace Mike’s sleeping pills, and apologized to Mike for worrying him. He started some of his laundry, grabbed his guitar, and Mike and he jammed for a while together. All during that time, Adam and Tommy sent texts back and forth to each other, and the smile never left Tommy’s face.

* * *

By the time Adam got back into town, Tommy wasn’t sure whose schedule was busier. He had practices with Monte and Ravi, was in Steve Cooke’s and Raja’s new videos, traveled all over the country with Monte for his kick-starter house parties, and made all his appointments with Debbie.

Adam had to travel all over, and even leave the country to meet people who were helping him on his new album, as well as the never ending interviews and shows that Lane kept lining up for him. Her obvious goal was to keep Adam fresh and interesting in everyone’s mind.

It seemed like if one of them wasn’t out of town, the other one was. Outside of calling each other several times a day and texting even more, they had only managed to get together a few times in the month that followed the New York trip. This separation frustrated both of them, but Tommy cherished each minute together that they could get.

During those rare times, they spent every second they could making out on Adam’s sofa. They had agreed to wait to have sex until Tommy worked through more with Debbie, but that didn’t stop the hand jobs they gave each other to relieve the stress.

While they may not have gotten together much, Adam was always on his mind and in his heart. He was always the last thing he thought about at night and probably the reason Tommy’s sleep was filled with pleasant dreams.

* * *

Within a couple months, his appointments with Debbie had dwindled down to once a week again, because his need for her help had begun to lessen. Tommy was facing his demons and refused to give them any more power over his life. Tommy decided it was time to be with Adam, completely.

And finally, finally, Adam and he had both manage to clear the upcoming weekend of all outside obligations, and made plans to go out before going back to Adam’s. Sutan would be playing at The Rage that Friday, so they decided to go watch her as part of their date. Once those plans were set, Tommy called Sutan.

“Sutan, would you help me?” he asked, and explained what he had planned.

He squealed in delight, “Oh, honey! You know I’ll help you with that! We need to go shopping! Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”

Tommy groaned at the thought of all the shopping they would have to do, but the end result would be worth it. The following morning, he headed out to his car and drove to Sutan’s. From there, Sutan did the driving, since he had their whole day all planned out. It was a long day and Tommy’s feet were killing him by the time he returned home, but he was more excited than ever for his date with Adam.

* * *

Tommy didn’t know what he would ever do without Sutan. He had invited Tommy over to help him get ready for his night out with Adam, and it turned into a very enjoyable day. They sipped spiked lemonade while Sutan performed his magic on him. And his friend taught him things Tommy never thought he would need to learn.

Sutan stood behind him in the salon as Tommy studied his reflection in the mirror, and there was very little he recognized. The person looking back at him had long, straight black hair with big, red, dangling earrings peeking out. With the dark makeup foundation they opted for, he looked Latino. His eyebrows were daintily arched, framing the pale green shadow above his eyes. Sutan had applied his eye liner very thin, very feminine, with fake lashes that were longer than his own. Tommy’s lipstick and nails were the same shade of red, and they matched his earrings.

Nothing about the face in the mirror resembled Tommy’s, and everything about it belonged to a beautiful girl. He looked lower, to a black, long-sleeved jacket. It covered his shoulders, but it was too short to cover the red, satin corset under it. The back of the jacket hung down to touch the top of his bodice, whereas the front covered the sides of the built-in bra. Together they framed his razor-smooth chest.

The corset gave him the illusion of having a small waist and boobs. Below that was a black leather skirt, smooth against his ass, and not much longer. Underneath that, he was wearing a girdle-like pair of panties that Sutan convinced him to purchase. It helped to hide his junk by holding it back when he tucked it between his legs, leaving the front of the skirt flat and feminine.

Shiny, tan nylons shimmered above the black, thigh-high boots. They had three inch wedges and were made of the most supple leather Tommy had ever felt. The rocking soles made them easy to walk in and hugged his legs like a pair of gloves. They were also the most expensive boots he’d ever bought, but worth every penny he paid for them; they were extremely comfortable, and looked hot as hell!

“Wow,” was all his muddled brain could come up with.

Sutan’s smile grew with that one word. “I still have to finish getting ready. You are going to have a fabulous time tonight,” she guaranteed, and then went to her bedroom to dress.

Tommy continued to study his reflection. His overall image was amazing, and he had Sutan to thank for finding this outfit and turning him into this sexy Latina.

Then he thought about all the frustrations they'd had while Sutan tried to teach him to strut in these boots. They spent hours practicing Sutan’s runway walk, until finally, he gave Tommy his blessing and called him good. He turned and strutted back and forth, and realized he wouldn’t even be recognized by his walk. He was confident that Sutan had hidden him well and that no one would know him tonight.

Now, it was just a matter of waiting for Adam. Tommy had called him that morning to let him know he would be over here ‘helping Sutan with some things’ and to pick him up here.

Raja walked into the salon wearing a heavily sequined dress. It had a V-neck and long sleeves, and the necklace she was wearing drew his eyes to the illusion of her cleavage. Her makeup had been put on a while ago, and she reached for a short, black wig to put on over her wig-cap. She straightened the hair and brushed it out to one side, then added a pair of large silver earrings and inspected what she saw. Satisfied with the results, she opened a shoe box and pulled out a pair of red shoes with the highest ‘Come Fuck Me’ heels he had ever seen.

A smirk graced her face as she slipped them on her feet and then stood. She towered over him, and was nothing but fucking sexy!

“Raja, you’re gorgeous! You make me want to climb up you just to see where you start, and then crawl back down to make sure I didn’t miss anything!” he told her hungrily, even though he wasn’t sure if that came out right at all.

“Thank you, honey.” She chuckled and her sparkling eyes danced with delight. “If tonight doesn’t work out with you and Adam, you know where to find me.”

“Fuck, Raj! Why did I let you talk me into this chastity belt? I’m gonna end up getting my dick amputated from lack of blood flow!”

Tommy reached for his skirt-hem to try to adjust things under it and make them less uncomfortable, when Raja grabbed his hands. “Leave it alone and quit thinking. You’re gonna ruin the effect.”

They heard a car pull into the drive and Raja gave him his last instructions. “Don’t go out there until I call you. Remember, you are a goddess. Make him bow before you!”

He watched her strut out of the room when the doorbell rang and began to pace. _Adam likes men, what if he doesn’t like this? Will looking like a girl turn him off? What if I trip and fall on my face? Am I making a fool of myself for doing this? Why didn’t I think of these things before? What if…,_

“Your date is here,” Raja called. That was his cue, and it was too late to change anything now. He took a deep breath and thought back to all that Sutan had taught him today. He pulled himself up as tall as he could, turned toward the door and strutted. His strides were long; his hips jutted forward and his arms swung to match his step.

Adam’s expression as he caught his first view of him put all his worries to rest. His calm smiling face changed to awe, and then pure lust. Tommy strutted to within six feet of him and stopped. He faced Adam squarely; his feet spread with his toes pointed inward, his hands hidden in his skirt at his hips. He tilted his head and smirked.

Adam looked breathtaking, standing there in his shiny black jacket over a queen T-shirt. His hair was high, which made him look even taller than he was. His makeup was minimal; only eyeliner and enough foundation to cover his freckles.

Not a word had left Adam’s mouth yet; he just stared. Holding a red rose in his hand, he stepped toward Tommy slowly, taking in every inch as he approached. When he stood directly in front of him, with mere inches between them, Adam lifted the rose and lightly skimmed the petals down his cheek and across his lips. Tommy had never seen his eyes filled with so much desire before.

Adam’s free hand gently slid around the back of his head as he leaned down to kiss him. Just before their lips touched, Raja reminded them that they weren’t alone. “You fuck up that pretty before your date even starts, and I’m going to be scratching out some eyes!”

Their lips never touched, but Adam was very slow about pulling away. When he finally did, he held out the rose. “Tommy... You look ravishing!”

“Perhaps I should introduce you to your blind date, Adam,” Raja teased. “This is Torey. The name means conqueror and victory. You are the first to fall before her. Treat her well and she may allow you freedoms later.”

Torey smiled at Adam and glanced over at Raja. She was holding a bouquet of roses and looked like a proud mother.

Adam took a step back, bent over Torey’s hand and kissed it. “The honor is all mine, Torey,” Adam insisted, as he looked up from under his long, heavy lashes. He kissed Torey’s hand again and stood, their eyes locked. If this attention had come from anyone else, he would be very uncomfortable. But this was the very result he had hoped to get from Adam.

Raja took the rose from Adam’s hand and went into the kitchen, clearly giving the two men a moment alone.

“You look gorgeous... Torey. Thank you for doing this,” Adam stated with emotion. “You were made to dress this way.”

“Thank you,” Torey responded, feeling shy now.

Raja returned to the foyer to find them staring at each other. She stuck the now thorn-less rose in Torey’s hair. “If you two don’t leave for dinner now, you’re going to miss my show. Now, shoo!” she told them.

Adam gently hugged her, so as not to mess anything, and Torey could hear his whispered words in Raja’s ear. “Thank you.”

“You just have a good night tonight and I’ll be happy,” she declared.

When Adam released her, Torey stepped in to hug her also. “Thank you, Raja. For everything.”

“You remember what I told you. If it doesn’t work out with this guy here, you find your way back to me tonight. I’ll take care of you!” Torey pulled back to see Raja stick her tongue out at Adam, and he laughed at the two of them.

“Come on, Adam. Let’s get out of here. You promised me dinner before the show,” Torey prodded, and wrapped his/her arm around behind him to guide him toward the door.

“You two have fun and I’ll see you later,” Raja told them. Torey pick up the backpack that was waiting as they walked out.

Adam opened the car door for him and put the backpack in the trunk. “So, where are you taking me?” Torey asked once they were on the road.

“Well, my first thought was Houston’s, but I thought I’d ask if that sounded good to you,” he replied.

“Mmmm. I love Houston’s, but, can I take a rain check on it? I don’t know how this outfit will feel after eating a big meal.”

“That means you have to go out with me again.” There was a twinkle in his eyes as his glance shifted to Torey, and then back to the road. “How does sushi sound for tonight? There’s this little place in West LA that I like.”

They drove down Santa Monica Boulevard and pulled into Hamasaku. It was the best sushi Tommy had ever had, and Torey, too. The atmosphere was romantic with the candles and white tablecloths, but not as romantic as Adam. He alternated between charming him with funny stories and complimenting him. Torey couldn’t help but smile at how sweet his date was being. Adam warmed his heart and calmed his mind. For all the dates Tommy had been on, this one made dating feel like a whole new experience.

By the time they left the restaurant, it occurred to him that Adam hadn’t tried to kiss him. He had run the back of his fingers up Torey’s arm and over his knuckles, but nothing more. All that worry about being uncomfortable was for nothing.

They drove back down the Santa Monica Boulevard to the Rage. The place was already filling up, but a table was reserved for them in the back. Torey used his runway walk to strut in ahead of Adam. Many heads turned to look at them, but he thought this time, he got as many looks as Adam did. Adam pulled a chair out for him and then pulled his close enough that their knees touched. There was a sparkle in his eyes when Adam looked at him, and Torey found butterflies were dancing in his stomach.

Tommy had never felt this way for anyone that he could remember. It was similar to the way he felt as a teenager looking at his first love, only much stronger.

They sipped on Grey Goose martinis while they watched the show and waited for Raja to come out. When the opening chords to ‘Diamond Crowned Queen’ came on and she strutted out, Torey almost choked on his drink. At the words “Gonna lick on your trigger, every inch will make you quiver,” she locked eyes with him. Torey glanced at Adam to find a determined expression on his face. Adam leaned closer to him and wrapped his arm around the back of his chair. The thought came to Torey’s mind that the two of them were playing a game of chess, and he was the king they were both trying to capture. Raja really knew how to turn up the heat of her flirting when Adam was around. _Ohhh! That bitch is trying to make Adam jealous!_ The realization of that brought a smirk to his face unbidden, and he reached for his drink to hide it.

When Raja was free, she came to sit next to him, even closer than Adam was somehow. “If you don’t want to get your eyes scratched out, you’ll keep away from my boyfriend,” Adam told her. His eyes were as focused as Tommy had ever seen them.

_Boyfriend? Does he mean that? Or was it just a way to stake his claim?_

The smirk on Raja’s face changed and a smile filled her face that went all the way to her eyes. She pulled away from him, looking truly satisfied. “Well, Christ on a cracker! It was about time you realize that,” Raja exclaimed.

Adam hung his head a moment before looking at Torey with eyes filled with love, and then returned his focus to Raja. “I realized it long before now. I’m just making sure you know it.”

After that, everything was good between them. Adam’s words made him want to celebrate, but he didn't drink much. He really didn’t want to have to use the bathrooms here. He wasn’t about to sit to take a leak, and the way Raja had him tuck everything away, he thought he might have to.

The show was great and the company was even better, but they left early anyway. Torey strutted out to Adam’s car but had to wait to have the door opened for him; Adam wouldn’t unlock it and allow him to open it for himself. “You _are_ coming home with me, right?” Adam almost growled into his ear.

The tone of Adam’s voice when he talked like that always did something to Tommy. “Yes. There was never a doubt in my mind.” Torey answered. Tommy had planned on spending the night, and he was ready.

“Good. I’m just making sure,” his gorgeous date said, sounding relieved.

Adam held his hand the whole way to his place, and every so often, he pulled it to his lips to kiss the back of it. He made Tommy feel so special. Tommy truly believed Adam’s words that he was his boyfriend.


	7. Chapter 7

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They arrived at his place and again Adam opened the door for him. Tommy wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about that; he had never been this attentive to any of his girlfriends. Adam pulled his backpack out of the trunk and placed his hand lightly on the small of Tommy’s back as they walked through his front door.

Adam leaned down to set the backpack on the floor, but Tommy took it out of his hand. He hadn’t emptied his bladder all night and his back teeth were beginning to float. “I’ll be right with you,” he told Adam as he walked toward the bathroom.

“Hey!”

Tommy stopped and turned back toward him.

“Don’t change your clothes yet. Let me enjoy you like that a little longer.”

Tommy thought about the clothes in his pack, and smiled. “Not a problem. Should I clean off the makeup, or do you want to mess up my pretty?”

Stepping up to him, Adam gazed deep into his eyes and ran the back of his fingers along his jaw line. “Yeah, wash off the makeup. I want to see your face when I make love to you.” He lowered his head and lightly brushed his lips with Tommy’s, his hand wrapped loosely around the back of his neck.

Between Adam’s words, the steamy look and that teasing kiss, his girdle was getting uncomfortable. When he broke the kiss Tommy was almost panting for breath. “I gotta... I’ll be...” he finally gave up trying to say anything and pointed to the bathroom and backed away.

He closed the door behind him and dropped his pack on the counter. As bad as he had to piss, Tommy wasted no time in kicking off his boots and pulling up his skirt to get to the waistband of his girdle. It was so fucking tight that he struggled to lower it, and couldn’t get any relief until it was off. The pantyhose were next, two pair no less, but they came off much easier. He spread his legs, so his dick could get some blood back into it and get comfortable again. Feeling around, Tommy made sure that everything was back where it belonged before he attempted to relieve himself. For as bad as he had to go, even that was being difficult now.

It took a few long moments, but he finally succeeded in rocking a whiz. He washed his hands, and grabbed a washcloth and face wipes from the cabinet. It took two of the wipes to get the majority of the makeup off his face, neck and chest. He washed off the rest and felt so much cleaner once he was done. Having his junk cramped and hot for so long, he rinsed off between his legs as well.

The eye liner and shadow he left on, but that was all. Looking at his reflection, Tommy could see it was really him looking back at him again. He took the wilted rose out of his hair and set it by the sink.

Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out a pair of black lacy panties. His plans were going according to schedule tonight, except now Tommy was getting nervous again. He had dreamed of making love with Adam, all tenderness and desire, but what if it ended up being filled with pain and disappointment? Thinking about all the shit that could go wrong wasn’t helping anything, but now that he started, how could he stop?

He put the panties on and looked in the mirror. They looked sexy even filled with his flaccid dick. He recalled the last time he was dressed in drag, and clung onto the fact that he was here with Adam. Tommy knew that his lover would make sure he wasn't hurt. His biggest hope was that by the end of this night, all his bad memories would be replaced with good ones.

Slow, deep breaths helped him to calm himself as he sat on the lid of the commode. He dragged his boots closer and concentrated only on pulling them back on. As expected, they weren’t as comfortable without the nylons. He stood, pulled his skirt back down and smoothed the wrinkles out of it. He checked his reflection, fixed his hair and straightened his jacket, and realized that he had wasted more than enough time in there. Tommy exited the bathroom to find his man.

Adam must have gone up to his room, because it was too quiet down here. As he climbed the stairs, he got a little more nervous with each step. Every time they’ve tried to take their relationship further, something had gotten in the way. Tommy feared what might happen to ruin things tonight. His mind went back to the pain he experienced when he was young and by the time he reached Adam’s room, he was a nervous wreck.

Tommy stood in the doorway and watched the dark haired man, unnoticed, as he tried to calm down. While he had been cleaning up, Adam must have used that time to wash up also. He was so beautiful. His freckles stood out on the part of his face that he could see, and he was only wearing the black jeans he'd had on.

Adam looked as worried as Tommy felt; he was picking at the blanket that was covering the sheets. Tommy dropped his backpack by the door and Adam turned toward him.

There was a look on his face that said he was almost surprised to see him. He stood and approached Tommy, his eyes glowed with happiness. That helped a lot to settle Tommy’s nerves.

“I was afraid you might have changed your mind for as long as it took you. You are so beautiful, Tommy. Even more so with the makeup off, because now I can see that it really is you.” One of Adam’s hands slid to the back of his neck, and the other went to the small of his back as the taller man bent to kiss him. The kiss was slow and gentle; almost as if he was afraid he might startle him.

When Adam broke off the kiss, he pulled back and they locked eyes. “We won’t do anything you don’t want to. Just say the word, and we’ll stop whatever we’re doing. Even if all you want to do is cuddle, that’s all right with me. Okay?”

Tommy nodded his head because he didn’t trust his voice right then. Reaching for Tommy's jacket, Adam slid it off his shoulders and tossed it to a chair. They kissed deeply, lovingly, and then his raven haired beauty left a trail of kisses down his neck to the top of his corset. When he could go no lower, he flicked his tongue out and licked under it to tease Tommy’s nipples. He arched and pulled the man he loved closer as a hiss escaped through his clenched teeth.

Adam straightened and whispered into his ear, “Come, let’s get more comfortable.” Tommy glanced down at the obvious evidence of his interest, the bulge in the front of his skirt, as Adam led him over to his bed. The larger man turned them and backed him into it until he had to sit. He scooted to the middle of the bed while Adam crawled up behind him like a lion following its prey. Tommy felt awkward wearing boots on the bed, but his lover seemed to want him to keep them on. Maybe that was why he had a blanket covering it.

Straddling him, Adam leaned down to kiss him again and Tommy wrapped his arms around the neck of gorgeous man above him, arching up in search of more contact. Adam stayed on his knees as he kissed him while his hands roamed over the bare skin of Tommy’s shoulders and down his arms. Tommy’s lover nipped his way to his ear and pulled on the red dangling earring with his teeth. The tease of his tongue as he licked around the shell and dipped into Tommy’s ear made him squirm and arch, looking for friction, needing it on his throbbing dick, but unable to find it. He whimpered as Adam sucked just below his ear, then traveled down his neck and hit all Tommy’s hot points. The over-stimulation of his loved one’s hands and tongue froze his brain, and he forgot all his worries.

When the larger man rose from atop him, Adam’s were almost black with lust. His mouth was open and his breath came fast and hard. He gazed down Tommy’s body and reached out to touch him wherever skin was exposed.

Adam scooted down to straddle his calves and licked the crevice between his legs from the top of Tommy’s boots to the bottom of his skirt. He tried to spread his legs, but the man above him held them together so all he could do was fist the blanket under his hands. Slowly, so fucking slowly, his blue-eyed beauty pushed his skirt up and licked his way to his panties.

Then Adam pulled back and pushed his skirt up to his waist, and stared. “Oh. My. Fucking. God! Tommy! I can’t believe just how sexy you are!” His tongue slid up his lace-covered cock, laved all over the head and pushed into the slit through the lace. A hiss and then a squeak left his mouth, unbidden. His hips jerked, and Adam grabbed them to hold him securely as he nipped, licked and sucked him through the lace of his panties. Tommy moaned and tangled his fingers into the dark, silky locks above him. The wet heat Adam wrapped him in with each lick, each breath, was only a promise for more.

He was so very hard and wanting from Adam’s teasing tongue. “Please,” he begged as his lover held him near the cusp of orgasm. “Fuck... Please... More...” Tommy watched his filthy tongue as it worked him over, panties soaked from his spit. When his lover stopped teasing him to look into his eyes, the loss of that talented mouth against his erection filled him with disappointment. Adam rose up on his knees and pulled Tommy’s skirt back down. “Adam. No! Please, don’t stop now,” he pleaded.

“Shhhh. I've got you,” he assured, then reached for the zipper at the side of his skirt to lower it. Tommy lifted his hips to help him pull it off. Then Adam ran his hands up over the supple leather of his boots to his legs; almost as if he was worshiping each inch his hands traveled. When he got to the panties, he reverently lowered them enough to completely expose Tommy. Then the sexy man above him ran his fingers over Tommy’s dick and then around it lightly while Tommy squirmed and hoped for more. Adam didn’t disappoint him as he bent to lick his way up his cock and into his slit.

His hands were again bunched in the covers as he watched that evil tongue. They locked eyes and then the man of his dreams swallowed him down. The sounds Tommy made would have embarrassed him if he could think past the lips wrapped around his cock. Adam’s tongue was doing the most amazing things to him, but when he bottomed out and swallowed, Tommy cried out, and arched into him for more. He was so close to coming, so close, that when his lover pulled off him with a pop, Tommy’s eyes flew open to find out why.

There was a teasing glint in the blue eyes above him as Adam went back to removing his panties. When they got caught on the boots, his beautiful eyes broke away from Tommy’s to watch what he’s doing.

“The boots. Take them off,” Tommy said with what little breath he had.

“They are so sexy on you, I hate to do it.” But he reached for the zippers and removed them before he pulled Tommy’s panties off.

“You’re overdressed,” Tommy stated the obvious. The larger man quickly rid himself of his own clothes and then stood at the end of the bed and just looked at him. “Jesus, Tommy! You are so fucking gorgeous!”

Tommy just stared at the sight in front of him. Tall, dark and so fucking sexy that words got caught in his throat. With Adam's dick waving hard and swollen in front of him, he looked like a fucking God!

He crawled up between Tommy’s spread legs and made himself comfortable on his knees between them. With his hands on Tommy’s hips, he licked a stripe up his cock, twirling his tongue around the tip before he sucked him down. After pulling off with another soft pop, he sucked and bit a spot at his hipbone.

Tommy twisted and squirmed, but just couldn’t get him to suck on his dick again. But the pain/pleasure he received from his teeth and mouth on his hip made him moan and want for more. His heels and head dug into the mattress as he squirmed under the attentions of his lover, his hands again fisted in the blankets. When the larger man pulled away, he look down to see a large, purple hickey that would be there for days, marking him, reminding him that he was Adam's.

Releasing his hips, he slid his hands down the inside of Tommy’s thighs and lifted them up and wide against Tommy's body. He felt so exposed like that, and when the alluring man told him to hold his knees, he was slow to respond.

With hands free to roam, his lover slid them down his thighs to his balls followed closely by his mouth. He licked and sucked first one and then the other into his mouth while his thumbs slid back past his perineum and then past his hole. One thumb followed the other, and they skittered atop his hole, back and forth, over and over, never more than a light touch. He was relentless in his teasing and Tommy moaned in his pleasure.

Adam spread his cheeks with his thumbs and trailed his tongue from his balls down over his hole. The first light touch of his tongue there was a direct link to his dick. His hips jerked with pleasure as Adam tongued circles and lapped over him, driving him crazy with desire. With his head buried in the mattress, he moaned and pressed for more.

The tip of his tongue slid inside him and Tommy cried out. He lifted his head to watch his loved one’s face and tried to keep his mind off his aching dick and how bad he wanted to come. Adam looked so fucking turned-on between his cheeks that the visual did nothing to calm him down.

One of Adam’s fingers joined his tongue and when he hit Tommy’s prostrate, he jumped and almost lost the grip he had on his legs. “More,” he begged. “Please!” He was ready; more than ready for this man to make his fantasies come true. He wanted him inside him, to fill him, to own him.

Adam pulled back and reached for the tube on the table. Their eyes met again. “You can put your feet down and relax a little,” he said with a rough, broken voice.

Tommy lowered his legs but left his knees bent with his feet flat on the mattress. The larger man bent over him and licked at the small puddle at the tip of his dick. His cool, slicked fingers tease over and around his hole at the same time. It was when his lover sucked him into his mouth that his fingers entered him. Tommy cried out at the double stimulation, so sure he was going to come!

Adam slid back off his cock as his fingers entered deeper. They twisted and stretched him, and then pulled back as his lovers’ mouth slid down his shaft again. When he repeated the slide off, push in, his fingers grazed Tommy’s prostrate. “I’m gonna... Adam... Stop...” he cried out. His orgasm was close, and this wasn’t the way he wanted it.

His dick popped out of that warm, moist mouth and landed heavily on his stomach. All he could do was pant and try to get himself back under control when the fingers were removed. Adam rolled him on his side and helped to get him onto his hands and knees. Tommy could hear the sound of foil tearing, as he waited for the loving man behind him to slide on the condom and lube it up.

His lover situated himself behind him, aimed and slowly pushed, stopping once the ridge of his dick was in. It felt strange and so, so full; even uncomfortable with its burn. Tommy gripped the blanket under him as if his life depended on it, and Adam rubbed his back, holding himself still inside him. “I’ve got you, baby. Just breathe,” he murmured.

It took a few moments, but Tommy began to relax, and the discomfort eased. His lover pushed in and pulled back slowly. Each time he entered, it felt like Adam was going deeper inside until his hips were pushing against him. Tommy turned and looked at him; his face was filled with love and desire as he took his time sliding into him. It wasn’t long before Tommy was begging him for more.

His thrusts deepened and quickened and he pulled Tommy up against his chest. The next thrust grazed his prostrate, and he could no longer contain the cries that left his mouth. His lover’s teeth sank into the back of his neck and sucked a spot while wrapping a hand around his shoulder and sliding it under the corset to tease his nipple. Tommy held onto that arm for support, lost in the sensations that filled him.

When his thrusts became unsteady, Adam’s other hand wrapped around Tommy’s cock, just on the edge of too tight. He stroked him in time to his faltering hips so that Tommy was either sliding into his fist or onto his cock and the over-stimulation was too much to resist. He cried out and came harder and longer than he ever had in his life. His lover’s voice rang out a mere stroke behind his, and they finished together strong and glorious.

When he was aware of what was going on around him again, he found he was lying on his stomach and Adam was sliding out of him. The hole that had been in Tommy’s gut for months was gone, and he felt alive and complete for the first time in so very long.

The man of his dreams wrapped his arm around him and kissed the side of his head. Tommy didn’t remember the last time he felt this contented. He turned to gaze to his lover’s eyes, and they were so filled with love that it made his heart sing. “I love you,” Adam whispered, and Tommy was sure his life was now perfect.

“I love you, too,” Tommy assured him. He had never felt a love like this before, and those three little words did no justice to how he felt.

All too soon, the comfort and relaxation began to have their way with him, and his eyes closed. He must have dozed off, because the next thing he knew, his wig was being pulled off as well as the cap under it. “Whatareyoudoin?” Tommy asked, feeling almost drunk.

“I’m putting you to bed. Turn over and we’ll get this corset off,” Adam quietly said.

 _Turn over? I don’t want to move_! He helped Tommy in his struggle to turn and very efficiently removed the corset. He couldn’t believe how comfortable that made him. Once Adam had him stripped, he cleaned them both up with a warm, damp towel.

“Come on, baby. Let’s get you into the bed.”

While Tommy wiggled under the sheets, the ache between his legs made itself known. _There wasn’t any pain while he was in me!_ It wasn’t really pain now, just a reminder of the intense lovemaking they just had. Almost as soon as Adam got settled next to him, his mind turned off and he fell into the soundest sleep he had in a very long time.

* * *

The daylight was finding its way through the wall of glass when he awoke. The first two things he noticed was that he had to pee and how hard his morning wood was. Tommy thought about the wood, because it only got that hard the morning after good sex the night before. Then he remembered the sex, and smiled. They finally got together!

He tried to roll out of bed, but there was a hand that he hadn’t noticed on his hip, and it stopped him. “Where ya going, baby?” Adam asked in a sleep filled voice.

He was so beautiful like this. His face was relaxed and free of makeup.

“If I don’t go use your bathroom, I’m gonna whiz in your bed. I don’t think you’ll like that,” he replied with a smirk.

The smile his sleepy lover gave him was priceless when he released Tommy’s hip. “Hurry back,” he said.

Embarrassed because of the wood he was sporting, he rolled out of bed and made his way to the adjoining bathroom. This room was as modern as the rest of the house. The wall along the end of the large tub was all glass. There was a glass encased shower at the other end of this wall, also. Located high above the city as the house was, voyeurs were never a concern, but there was a remote controlled privacy curtain if it was wanted. The floors were marble, as well as the long double bowl counter top. Much as he loved this house, Tommy ignored all this as he leaned one hand on the wall over the toilet and aimed down. It was many minutes before things relaxed enough to urinate.

When his bladder was finally empty, he glanced into the mirror. Ugh. He grabbed a face towel out of the cabinet, washed the raccoon eyes off his face and got cleaned up. Then he searched Adam’s medicine cabinet for a new toothbrush and brushed his teeth. By the time he left the bathroom, his hard on was mostly gone.

Quietly, he padded back to the bedroom only to find an empty bed. He figured that Adam must be using the bathroom downstairs or something. He crawled back under the covers and got quite comfortable before Adam returned.

The dark haired beauty wandered back into the room and crawled into bed by the pillows and bent down over Tommy’s head to kiss him. Nothing touched but their lips and he soon broke the kiss to nibble his way down his neck.

Adam sucked a spot at the side of his neck that had him squirming. He glanced up and noticed his lover was almost completely hard, also. The tenderness between Tommy’s legs wasn’t bad enough for him to turn down some morning sex, and Adam’s teasing only made him want even more.

The larger man continued to lick his way lower and pushed the sheets off him as he went. By the time Adam had straddled Tommy’s head with his knees and reached the head of Tommy’s cock with his mouth, Tommy was moaning and squirming underneath him and that wicked, but talented tongue of his. As lips wrapped snugly around him and slid down, he arched up into Adam’s warm, wet mouth. Tommy pulled his lover’s hard dick down and teased the drop of pre-cum at the slit onto his lips. He twirled his tongue around the crown and then swallowed him down. He couldn’t think of a finer way to start the day was the last thought he had for a long time.

* * *

It was spring when Adam’s record finally dropped, and he was like a kid in the candy store with the high ratings it achieved. Lane kept him so busy with radio interviews and television appearances that Tommy was surprised that Adam could find time to sleep.

Plans were already in the works for the world tour. He didn’t know which of them was looking forward to getting back on the road more. They were so excited about the new cities they would be going to, and even a couple new countries!

The same group was going with them this time as the last, and the feeling of being surrounded by family was here already. It was just like going home again! But for him, the best part of that was he would be _with_ Adam this time. There wouldn’t be any confusion or questions about him this trip!

Adam had another very late night of schmoozing the record companies and an early radio talk show the next morning, so Tommy spent the night at Mike’s. He considered this Mike’s place now, because he spent most of his time at Adam’s and when the tour was over, he would be moving in with him.

Sitting on his bed with a pencil clamped in his teeth, Tommy was playing the notes on his guitar that he had just written down. They sounded good. He could envision the next notes and quickly jotted them down. There was a knock at the front door and Tommy could hear Mike’s feet thumping through the house as he went to answer it. He was about to play the last couple lines of notes with the ones he had just added when he heard Mike say, “What were you doing here?” All Tommy could hear after that was quiet talking, so he resumed working on his song. After a few minutes, Mike tapped on his partially open door kind of hesitantly. “Uh, hey. Dave’s out here and he wants to talk to you. I thought you might want to hear this, if you’re up for it. I’ll be here for ya, man,” he said.

Tommy's heart started beating so hard that he swore it was trying to beat its way out of his chest. His eyes were locked with Mike’s and all he wanted to do was run. Mike had to have seen that. “I thought it might be alright, dude. He seems like a different person. And I’ll be with you.” he added.

Tommy wanted to never see him again, but this was also about taking control of his life and living without fear overwhelming him. “Sure, let him in,” he said, and set his guitar aside before following Mike into the living room.

When Dave walked in, he looked different. The biggest change was in his eyes. They looked bright and alive, and no longer had the glazed, dead look to them that he remembered. He stopped just inside the door and looked him in the eye. “Tommy, I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry for what I tried to do! I’m sorry for all those awful things I said, too!

“I was hanging around the wrong crowd and getting high all the time. I ended up in the hospital after Mike kicked my ass, and that’s probably the best thing that could have happened to me. They gave me pamphlets about AA and a couple other programs. After I got out of the hospital, things got even worse, and I spent some time in jail for DUI. That’s when I realized the pamphlets from the hospital might be able to help.

“I quit drinking and getting high, and entered a rehab. I’ve been going to AA or CA meetings every day, and now I’ve got three months clean and sober. I quit hanging around the guys I was getting into trouble with and I’m working on my music again. I’m changing my life around because I don’t want to be a fuck-up anymore. I don’t know how to change the past, but I want you to know, I am so, so fucking sorry, Tommy.”

 _Holy Fuck! This isn’t at all what I was expecting! I’m not sure what I even feel about what he’s just said_. “That’s great, Dave. I’m glad to hear things are getting better for you,” was all that he could force himself to say.

“Thanks for letting me apologize to you, man. If there is ever anything I can do to make amends, anything, please don’t hesitate to let me know.” Dave looked at him a little longer, and then nodded to both Mike and him before he backed out the door.

Mike and Tommy both went to the door and watched him get into the passenger side of a car; an older man was at the wheel. They backed out of the drive and Dave waved at them. Mike waved back, but Tommy was too stunned to do anything but watch.

He shook his head and went back to his room, but there was no music in his head now. He paced the floor, his brain filled with circling thoughts. He couldn’t wait until his appointment with Debbie the next day to make some sense of this!

* * *

Tommy no sooner walked into Debbie’s office when the floodgates opened and he spilled the confusion and turmoil that was spinning in his head. He shared the hate that filled him for what Dave tried to do months ago and the confusion he felt because of the change he saw in him. He shared his desire to refuse Dave’s apology and his relief that he seemed so much different. Tommy shared the powerlessness he felt when he thought about Dave, as well as his pride for having faced him. He shared his envy that Dave seemed to have changed so much, so quickly, while he was still working his ass off to try and feel normal again. Tears filled his eyes for parts of his dialog and he found himself yelling at others. He hadn’t felt this bad in months.

Debbie listened quietly and took notes here and there. When he finally ran out of words, she started out by validating his feelings and told him how proud she was of him for facing Dave.

“That had to be difficult,” Debbie said.

“I think it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It made me felt so inferior to see him so in control of himself,” Tommy confessed.

“Were you comparing your insides to Dave’s outsides? How did you think he perceived you?” she asked.

Tommy thought about it. Dave may have been as fucked up to see him as Tommy was to see Dave. “I pretty much just kept quiet and watched his every move. He may be thinking I’m a rock, unaffected by his need to apologize.”

“That’s very possible, Tommy. The important thing is you didn’t allow your fear to control your life. You didn’t run, but stayed and faced him.

They talked for a while longer about Dave and Tommy calmed down some. Then they talked about him going on tour.

Debbie agreed to have phone sessions with him while he was on the road so he would have a safety net with her if he needed one. Even though his appointments had cut back in the last month or two, he knew he wouldn’t have gotten this far without her. They made a standing agreement that he would call her at 9am the first Monday of each month. It had been a long, rough year, but he was slowly getting control of his life again. He still had a lot of work to do; seeing Dave was proof of that, but it was already so much better than it was.

He was feeling pretty good by the time he left her office, and the confusing thoughts had eased. His cell phone vibrated in his pocket just moments after he walked through his front door. He checked it and saw Adam’s name. A smile spread across his face before he even answered the phone. “Hey, beautiful! I miss you! How about dinner?” Tommy asked as a way of answering the phone.

“Hell, yes! I’m starved!” Adam responded.

“How about some Mexican? I’ll pick you up in an hour on my motorcycle,” he offered.

“That sounds great! Pack some clothes to spend the night. I hate sleeping without you to cuddle next to.”

He grinned; the turmoil he was in earlier was replaced with the joy of loving Adam. They made their plans, and he got cleaned up for dinner and packed for a couple days. With a backpack full of clothes on his back, he grabbed the keys to his Harley and headed over to Adam’s.

As he pulled into his drive, Adam was standing at the door with a warm smile on his face. He pulled Tommy into a loving hug. “I’m glad you’re here, Sweetie. I’ve missed you,” he said before kissing him deeply.

To be welcomed like this by the one he loved meant everything to Tommy. Adam broke the kiss and pulled the backpack off Tommy’s shoulders. After setting it inside on a nearby chair, he pulled him in for another kiss. When he broke it this time, he was laughing. “Come on, baby! Take me for a ride!”

His laugh was infectious, and Tommy began laughing at his innuendo as he grabbed his boyfriend’s hand to pull him out to his bike. “I’ll take you for a ride, baby! And then maybe I’ll take you for another ride later on tonight!”

Adam pulled back on his hand and wrapped him in his arms. “Promise?” he asked with a growl in Tommy's ear.

Tommy looked up into his beautiful, blue eyes before he lowered his glasses onto his face again. He thought about how fucking lucky he was. “Yeah, I promise!”

As they rode to the restaurant with Adam's arms around his waist and body heat at his back, Tommy felt complete. He thought again about what Debbie once said to him about the color of the threads in his tapestry of life. Adam was a thread in that tapestry. He was the brightest, glitteriest thread in the whole thing!


End file.
